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Joshie

 When I was growing up, a class birthday involved Hostess cupcakes. Often, the cupcakes would come in a shoebox, so you could taste a leathery residue (during the party).


Times change. You can't bring a treat into a public school, in 2024, because heaven knows what kind of allergies might lurk, in unseen corners, in the classroom. But Joshua's teacher will allow: a dance party, a pajama day, or a guest reader.

I chose to bring a story for Joshua's birthday (observed), but I didn't think through the role that anxiety might play in this interaction. We talk, in this house, quite a bit about anxiety; one game-changer, for J, has been a daily list of activities, so that he knows exactly what to expect. He gets a look of profound satisfaction when he sees the agenda; it doesn't really matter what the specific events happen to be. It's just about knowing, "I can anticipate X, Y, and Z."

Joshua struggled with his celebration. He wore his nervousness on his face. He had to sit in a special spot, and wear a crown, and the bright lights of attention seemed to unsettle him. I gave him several kisses, and just zoomed ahead with the story, which was "Harry, the Dirty Dog." In years past, a parental visit mid-day could ruin the entire afternoon. On one occasion, Marc had to drive back to the school to get Joshua early, because a ten-minute student/parent social event had left Joshua unmoored.

I write all this just to say that Joshua *did* hold it together on Friday. The teariness stopped. I was able to leave the building. Joshua made it through the rest of the day, then he insisted on wearing his birthday crown all the way through Sunday evening.

I never would have thought that this small event would be a source of triumph--but I'm absurdly proud of the family for having conquered the Kindergarten birthday. Life surprises me, even now, at least once or twice a week.
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  1. KathySeptember 23, 2024 at 5:14 AM

    One of the most amazing truths about children is how much they grow... year after year! This isn't a small triumph, but a truly momentous one, if you ask me - to be able to withstand that "all eyes on me" moment when that doesn't come naturally, to be able to stay at school for the duration of the day... and to clearly love at least parts of the experience (the crown!!!) is fantastic! Congratulations (and in Holland the family is congratulated when a child has a birthday because it's known that raising a child is HARD WORK!)

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  2. AnonymousSeptember 23, 2024 at 6:42 AM

    Thank you! I agree that it's not easy to be the focus of attention. I think I forgot this before entering Joshie's room. It's easy to think, "Oh, this is cute and it's low stakes" -- but if you are five years old, the situation looks different. I was amused/surprised by the way the crown stuck around through the weekend :)

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