Liars and Saints

  As "The Simpsons" celebrates its 800th episode, I've been thinking about my favorite, "I Love Lisa." This is a Valentine's Day special. Ralph Wiggum is upset to discover that no one has left a card for him. Lisa feels a surge of pity--she gives Ralph a drawing of a train. The message is this: "I Choo-Choo-Choose You." Ralph misinterprets the gesture; even after Lisa confesses that she is uninterested in romance, Ralph chooses to be persistent. He drags Lisa to a taping of The Krusty Show, where he announces that he plans to marry her; the announcement is caught on national TV. I like this because it reminds me so much of James Marshall--the pitfalls of "gift-giving" were among Marshall's major concerns. I also like the feeling of a "campus"; Bart watches and records Lisa's behavior (because Bart is a Krusty fan), and Chief Wiggum gets involved (having decided to give his son very bad advice). I think this show is a pro...

  "Bart vs. Thanksgiving" is a perfect "Thanksgiving special." Semi-strangers come to town. It's Marge's mother and sisters. These guests would be a source of stress even for the coolest cucumber on Earth. Mrs. Bouvier observes, "I'm dying, and it hurts when I talk, so I'll say just one thing, Marge. You never do anything right." And Selma and Patty are terrible. Marge has asked that the sisters not bring any food--but they disobey the order, because, they say, "We don't like what you cook." Children will listen. Bart acts out. He shoves aside Lisa's elaborate centerpiece to make room for the turkey; the centerpiece goes up in flames. Rather than empathize, Bart claims to be incapable of understanding Lisa's pain. He runs away. It's only through slow, painful, draining, mental work that he can take various important steps: "Lisa worked hard on the project. I treated it like trash. So I treated *Lisa* like tras...

  In "The Simpsons," when a charismatic huckster tries to sell a monorail to Springfield, it's only Marge who sees clearly. But Marge doesn't seem heroic; she seems pitiably "square." You wish she'd just drink the Kool-Aid. Live a little. My daughter's school does a really bad job with musical performances. They are not particularly well rehearsed; I know this, because my son, who is only one year older, attends a much more functional school. I have a metric for comparison. The worst part of an endless pre-K music performance is that each child--each and every child--is required to recite a solo observation about the year-in-review. The children are terrified and unintelligible--and even if they *were* intelligible, it's not edifying to hear three hundred versions of one bland sentence. " I liked seeing the caterpillars." My daughter's principal is a deranged narcissist--and it really is a treat to see him. "You'll forgive ...

 An early standout from "The Simpsons" pits Lisa in a battle against herself.  "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington" starts with a patriotic essay contest. Homer has fallen in love with "Reading Digest," in part because it has taught him how to refashion gingerbread-family cookie cutouts as tools to create "meatloaf men." When he sees an ad for a "patriotic essay" contest, Homer informs Lisa. Lisa's essay, about freedom, of course wins her a spot among the finalists. She travels to D.C. to enjoy the many aesthetic and culinary offerings of the Watergate Hotel. But, having overheard the plotting of a corrupt politician, she experiences a crisis of faith. Rather than cave in to cynicism, she rewrites her essay, which becomes a stunning indictment of cronyism, "Cesspool on the Potomac." She loses the contest, but she helps to ensure that her bribe-taking nemesis goes to jail (where he becomes a born-again Christian). Lisa's faith...

  My son makes choices that are sometimes exasperating to me; he can hit, can throw things across the room, and can race toward the street without looking both ways (really, without looking anywhere). So I'm moved by Marge Simpson, in "Marge Be Not Proud." This is the second "Simpsons" Christmas special; writers waited approximately six years, after the first one, because they were intimidated. In MBNP, Bart is determined to make his own mistakes. He is drawn to a particular video game--"Bonestorm"--and, though Marge understands this is just a flashy piece of junk, Bart won't listen. He must have the game. He willfully misinterprets a sign at a GameStop, then tries to cope with a broken heart. He attempts to "borrow" the game from his friend Milhouse. (Lazily groping for an expedient solution, Milhouse encourages his own mother to send Bart back to Evergreen Terrace. "He's swearing again....") It's surprising and inevita...