The secular Easter stories can't really compete with the Passion Play. Look at the Gospels. You have Judas, who is maybe sexually drawn to Jesus. Judas betrays Jesus for cash--Jesus gets murdered--Judas hangs himself. Peter--apparently a role model--nevertheless forgets "his best self." Then: the resurrection. This is Caravaggio territory. By contrast, in the 1970s, Fred Astaire and others tried to write a "bunny story." I think, by this point, Astaire was running on the fumes of his own talent. In "The Easter Bunny Is Comin' to Town," a spirited bunny wants to expand the capitalist reach of a particular troubled village. The village has one gift--excellent eggs--so the bunny tries to take the eggs to a rival town. But in that town, a villainess queen has severely restricted everyone's diet; only beans are allowed. So a smuggling operation occurs. The eggs are dyed bright colors--to confuse the queen. I'm not making this stuff up. My daug...