Liars and Saints

  In Amy Bloom's story "Silver Water," a troubled young woman goes with her family to family therapy. The session doesn't flow smoothly . The therapist is icy and judgmental, and the young woman starts picking her nose. "I wonder," says the therapist, "why your daughter is behaving that way." The narrator jumps in. "Maybe because she doesn't like that you're talking about her in the third person." The other day, a paraprofessional handed my son off. "You may want to put that water bottle in boiling water," she said. "For some reason, HE decided to throw it in a trash can. Hope he does better tomorrow." And one part of me wanted to shrug. To say, "HE probably senses that you hate your job, and in turn HE doesn't like you very much. And walking to the trash can was one way to express all of that. Clever guy!" I can feel frustrated that the YMCA lied and claimed to be able to handle a case that was b...

  I really dislike my child's school district -- simple communication becomes baroque, certain employees fail to even pretend to listen, and there is an overall impression of "trying to chat with a black hole." When I fight with the school district, I remember the phrase "pearls before swine." To show real emotion is to give these fellow citizens something that they do not deserve. What they deserve is strictly superficial conduct. Nikki Giovanni writes: If i can't do  what i want to do  then my job is to not  do what i don't want to do  It's not the same thing  but it's the b est i can  do If I can't reform a broken system, I can at least promise to myself that I won't betray a sense of neediness. I will save my energy and act like a robot when that is what is called for. If i can't have  what i want . . . then  my job is to want  what i've got  and be satisfied  that at least there  is something more to want In other wor...

  "The Odyssey" is the story of Circe, a witch on an island. (In a 1990s version, Circe was Bernadette Peters, but I have to admit that Samantha Morton is better.) Having endured sexual assault, Circe trusts no one. She feigns generosity, then sets a trap. As Odysseus's men eat Circe's stew, Circe casts a spell. She turns the men into pigs. In a great twist, the current "Odyssey" imagines that the transformation involves *physical* labor. Circe sculpts the pigs as if sculpting clay. It's like something from "The Fly." Really appalling. Odysseus pleads with Circe--these men intended no harm, and in fact they did not harm Circe. But Circe does not miss a beat. "They WOULD HAVE harmed me," she says. (And I think everyone in the audience will agree with Circe, not with Odysseus.) Circe refers to a human form as a "disguise"; her guests are pigs, and she has simply removed the disguise. There is a parallel between Circe and Oydss...

 We live in the wilderness--sometimes, this is cute. It's cute when groundhogs frolic in our backyard. Or bunnies. Or when my daughter tries to talk to the birds. I'm reminded of the woodsy interludes in "Snow White" and "Sleeping Beauty." The moment when Aurora shares her deepest feelings with a barn owl. Things are less cute when I consider the problem of waste disposal. One of the most horrifying things I've ever seen is a "garbage can invasion" on a Friday night. My spouse and I were returning from a film. One raccoon popped out of the trash can. Then--I swear--I saw ten or twelve more. One after another after another after another. Spilling from the can's bowels. I'm led to think of that moment in "Alien," when an encephalopod "births itself"--the "cost" is one young man, and specifically that man's abdomen. Like many other issues, garbage in my town is an opportunity for virtue signaling. A prefer...

  "The Lost Boys" is a musical about Ronald Reagan. He appears on a TV screen, giving a lecture about family values; later, he takes the shape of Broadway star Paul Nolan, a nerdy guy in a suit who talks about what happens when the country is "overrun" with single moms. (You might think, why does Paul Nolan have such an apparently small role? Just you wait.) Pitted against Paul Nolan is Shoshana Bean, who just wants a job, a romance, an intact family, and a sense of instant community. Bean's desperation leads her to make questionable choices--should she really agree to work at a video rental outlet without anything like a basic "candidate interview"? If a new friend makes approving remarks about Goldwater, should Bean stick around? Bean becomes aware of her mistakes; before it's too late, she grabs a stake and murders a trickster vampire. This raises questions. Bean may have eliminated Ronald Reagan--but is she any closer to a job, a romance, an in...

  "The Invite" is a showcase for Seth Rogen, who just wants to remember what it's like to have sex. Penelope Cruz has questions about Rogen's self-esteem. "Do you like yourself?" she asks. "Would you have sex with yourself?" "Yes! I'm the ONLY one who fucks me. I fuck myself often!" I get the sense that Rogen's best lines may be improvised. Having learned that his noisy neighbors like to host orgies, he tries to negotiate. "It just gets very loud. Maybe take the BIG sex parties offsite, to a motel. You know, if it's a birthday or an anniversary. Or Arbor Day...." Penelope Cruz wonders aloud which particular birthday Valentina--a favored sex partner--celebrated at a recent dinner. "Next time you're preparing to enter her," says Rogen, "you should just count her rings...." Rogen's performance reaches its climax when he tries to perform a sultry dance, then trips, falls on a stack of books, a...