Liars and Saints

 What is particularly galling about my doctor is his "session note": "learning about healthy weight." I find this condescending. First, my weight was exactly at the dividing line between "normal" and "overweight." I think this fact should be included in a footnote. Second, I didn't do any "learning." It's not like I walked in thinking, "French toast is a wiser choice than salmon--this is true from every possible angle." I know what happened. Last year, I discovered bacon. I would travel to the Frick Collection--and, en route, I would eat bacon. I think that, in my head, the virtuousness of the Frick mission "cancelled out" the bacon. Once this was established, I found myself straying even more. Bacon could yield to steak and eggs or to buttermilk pancakes or to pancakes- with -bacon . After the Frick, I would treat myself to a snack--and the snack would not be apple slices or unsalted peanuts. The snack would...

 There is a new book on Sondheim -- considering the writer in the context of his Jewish heritage. Sondheim doesn't often write explicitly about God. But he once acknowledged that his big anthem, "Being Alive," can be seen as a prayer: Make me confused. Mock me with praise. Let me be used. Vary my days. I think that's also true of the song "Take Me to the World," which is about fleeing a sense of stultifying comfort. Let me see the world with clouds-- Take me to the world. Out where I can push through crowds-- Take me to the world. A world that smiles-- With streets instead of aisles-- Where I can walk for miles with you. The speaker craves sensations--walking without boundaries, pushing, seeing clouds and streets. It's interesting to emphasize the word "smiles." The speaker is essentially a mannequin--she rarely has a reason for joy. She imagines something revolutionary outside her store; she will smile, and the entire world will return that fa...

 One of the most compelling characters in Grant Ginder's new novel is Nina, who doesn't like herself. She enrolls at Northwestern for business school and talks and talks about the program. ("My cohort was asked to pack a bag--and just show up at the airport for a mystery trip!" "When two people within my cohort get married, the rest of us say it's a joint venture ....") Nina briefly works on improving school lunch health in the Bronx, mainly so she can talk about her virtuous efforts (efforts that become a source of tedious monologues at parties). When Nina realizes that her Bronx project is never going to secure her a house in Sag Harbor, she just switches to an easier job at Google. One evening, alone, Nina discovers that an old frenemy is living nearby. She invites herself for dinner--and for a game of Celebrity. ("I'm really great at Celebrity," says Nina, to no one who cares.) Later, having intruded on a private conversation, Nina is c...

This film has two stars: Ryan Gosling and Ryan Gosling's dermal filler. The filler is distracting. It does actually impair one's ability to suspend disbelief. If Gosling would like to become Tom Hanks, then the filler may be a problem. Another problem is the idea of a trajectory. Gosling's character--Ryland Grace--needs to start in an "embittered" place. It's the love of an alien that allows Grace to really embrace life. But--via Gosling, in this movie--Grace seems immediately charismatic and selfless and charming. (He is a beloved teacher of middle school!) So the movie has Grace move from "likable" to "likable." Not the most satisfying journey. What happens here? A great deal of nonsense. The sun is dying. There is a special element that could sustain life on Earth. Before his middle-school career, Grace was a trailblazing scientist. For some silly reasons, it emerges that Grace is the one and only human who can save the planet. Out in sp...

  The secular Easter stories can't really compete with the Passion Play. Look at the Gospels. You have Judas, who is maybe sexually drawn to Jesus. Judas betrays Jesus for cash--Jesus gets murdered--Judas hangs himself. Peter--apparently a role model--nevertheless forgets "his best self." Then: the resurrection. This is Caravaggio territory. By contrast, in the 1970s, Fred Astaire and others tried to write a "bunny story." I think, by this point, Astaire was running on the fumes of his own talent. In "The Easter Bunny Is Comin' to Town," a spirited bunny wants to expand the capitalist reach of a particular troubled village. The village has one gift--excellent eggs--so the bunny tries to take the eggs to a rival town. But in that town, a villainess queen has severely restricted everyone's diet; only beans are allowed. So a smuggling operation occurs. The eggs are dyed bright colors--to confuse the queen. I'm not making this stuff up. My daug...

  Otto Penzler has a terrific idea: Draft French journalists to cover significant crimes in American history. Crime writing is, by definition, sociology; by looking at a murder, a journalist is looking at a society and its perversions. It's possible that an "outsider" is clearer and sharper than Katie Couric or Rachel Maddow. Chandra Levy disappeared shortly before 9/11. She was working as an intern in Washington, DC, and she was having an affair with the congressman Gary Condit. Condit lied--many times--about the affair, so he began to look like a murderer. (It doesn't matter that there is at least sometimes a difference between being a liar and being a murderer. Americans tend to jump to conclusions.) After the Chandra Levy affair ruined his life, Condit became the owner of a Baskin Robbins outpost; eventually, Baskin Robbins asked to be removed from all of Condit's merch, signage, and paperwork. But Condit continued to call himself the owner of a local "Ba...