I'm not whining. I do think it's strange that the public school system requires parents to endure a tedious "orientation" program in the spring--when the same bland material is re-rehearsed for parents the following autumn. David Sedaris once wrote a scathing review of a local elementary school's production of "A Christmas Carol," and I often think about this piece. At "Back to School Night," the greatest tension resulted from a discussion about reusable water bottles. I find the bottle obsession to be absurd. In my childhood, you just made a stop at the public drinking fountain. Now, each little pre-K diva needs a Nalgene, as if he or she were Audra McDonald, replenishing fluids during a Carnegie Hall recital of Schubert's German art songs. But my daughter's teacher shocked all parents by demanding *two* water bottles per student. There was then a lengthy, baffling speech about the lunch basket and the snack basket--and the problem o...
In "The Night of the Dolphin," Lisa frees a captive dolphin from Sea World. But the dolphin turns out to be Snorky, King of All Dolphins. Having been given power, Snorky organizes a revolt. ("Our playful leaping was not about discovery and joy. We just hated the water. We wanted to get out.") Homer believes that mankind can win the war against dolphins. ("We humans have destroyed a species before. And we invented the pudding cup, the glory hole, and the peel-and-eat shrimp....") But the dolphins are the victors. People retreat to the sea. Having become philosophical, Homer remembers the soil. "Well, land....I guess the dolphins just WANTED it more...." This segment is wonderful because of Snorky, who speaks in well-organized paragraphs and walks on his caudal fin. You also get a helpful insult to borrow if you're ever in a fight with a dolphin. ("You're just a....hoop-jumping.....TUNA-MUNCHER....") The writer--Carolyn Omine--has...