Liars and Saints

My idea of the ideal haircut is "Helen Mirren hair." I realize that today's youth may not look to an octogenarian British actress for hair guidance--but that doesn't mean I need to be happy about the realization. Inspector Jane Tennison of "Prime Suspect" is flawed, but she is certainly not an insubstantial human being. She makes use of her time. I'll bet she does not worry about lice; she has a short, striking bob, and so I suspect that the lice leave her alone. Also, I think that the unfussy hair improves her agility; she can take down criminals because she is not tripping over her own flowing locks. It seems to me that 2026 Demi Moore--for example--would have a harder time saving the world. She would have a harder time because of all that hair. I have to allow my daughter to make her own hair choices--because the alternative would be insufferable. But it is so exhausting to bear witness. Susie wants the Demi Moore style, but she doesn't want to do...

  I understand that Elizabeth II remained silent while the British government did terrible things (over and over again). Still, I'm grateful to EII just for giving me "The Queen," which is: * a prominent film about a woman who is not twenty-five years old. (Despite winning the Oscar, Helen Mirren has spent ensuing years as "a wife," to Anthony Hopkins or Broadbent or Christopher Plummer.) * a film that passes the Bechdel Test. (Mirren walks with her mother, and the two discuss the monarchy; they don't discuss a male squeeze.) * a film with an excellent script. (That script! Peter Morgan understands people. He understands how so much communication happens via indirection. When Charles praises Di's parental commitment, he is really antagonizing his own mother. When Philip sputters about his son's marital sloppiness, he is really expressing self-disgust, in an awkward way. And when EII recalls Winston Churchill's guidance, she is showing off, but s...

  "Hitchcock" is my platonic ideal of a movie. A big, meaty role for Helen Mirren. A chance for Anthony Hopkins to be funny. An effort to recreate Golden Days in Hollywood history. Gorgeous shots of the California coastline. Screen time for Toni Collette, Scarlett Johansson, Michael Stuhlbarg, Danny Huston, Jessica Biel. Delightful trivia. For example: The candy corn in "Psycho" came from Anthony Perkins. The actor Perkins liked having candy around. And Hitchcock had to fight the censors to include a shot of a toilet; this part of a restroom had never been seen on screen before. Hitchcock drafted a manifesto for screening- room operators: "How to Show PSYCHO." ("Do not allow late admissions. No private screenings for critics. Stars will not make the rounds for interviews....") But the reason I really like this film is that it's a marriage story. Helen Mirren has grown tired of Hitchcock--his selfishness and ego. Mirren acts out; she begins an...

My goddess--and yours--Helen Mirren--returns to the screen on Monday night. She will take on the title role in "Catherine the Great," on HBO. A few things to remember about Dame Mirren: *Her ancestor served in the Russian Imperial Army. When he lost everything in the Russian Revolution, he became a cab driver. *Mirren has been Elizabeth I and Elizabeth II (award-winning roles, both). Mirren says she will *not* chip in when "The Crown" starts its coverage of the nineties. ("The Queen" and "The Audience" were enough.) Mirren was yet another queen in "The Madness of King George." *Mirren never had children and proudly declares there is not "one maternal bone" in her body. *Though Oscar loves an ingenue, in the Best Actress category, Mirren said FUCK THAT--and she won, anyway. We can all learn from Helen. She is telling us to do our best. She is everything, always. She is Helen.