Liars and Saints

  Substantial portions of my month are spent in email discussions with the SOMA school administration, a coven of incompetent goons. I try to remind myself that these are people unhappy in their jobs, simply trying to put food on the table. Sometimes, this reminder is helpful. I do not have tactical skills, so my standard M.O. is to veer wildly between puzzling silence and overwhelming (and unhelpful) candor. I lack the muscle that would lead me to pause and ask myself, "What is the politically wise move, in this context?" If I'm advised to withhold info--"do not give them power"--the advice comes as a surprise. Over and over again. Some critics think of TV in terms of scenes. A strong literary work is a parade of exceptional scenes--one standout after another. And so it's easy to understand why "Last Exit to Springfield" is considered a prizewinner--not just among "Simpsons" episodes, but also among all episodes of all TV shows in histor...

  I'm watching "The Pitt," and occasionally I grow tired of the melodrama. Yes, we are all at war with ourselves, but sometimes the Dr. Robby struggles seem over-the-top. We get it. A little more subtlety would be helpful. By contrast, "The Simpsons" does a great job of showing Principal Skinner on a particularly bad day. Bart has smuggled his dog into school--but the dog escapes through an air vent. Groundskeeper Willie coats himself in lunchroom grease, and his rescue efforts are successful; however, Willie destroys a piece of school property and falls from the gym rafters. Having witnessed this, Superintendent Chalmers fires Skinner. Things don't get better. In an amazing scene at the laundromat, Skinner tries to entertain himself by reciting the names of each and every detergent. He can't even secure a playdate with Bart. Miscreants appear and steal his underwear--though he vows to buy a new pair, he soon discovers that he is penniless. Nelson's ...

  In 2006, GLAAD listed "all" of the gay characters on TV--but omitted Waylon Smithers from the list. (This error was corrected in 2008.) Smithers is not the star of "Burns' Heir," but his role is notable. We first see him giving a sponge bath to Burns--Burns complains that the sponge in question "has sharp corners." In his crazed wish to please Burns, Smithers forgets himself. He has an idea to find a better sponge--but he hastily leaves the *offending* sponge on Burns' head. The weight of the square sponge almost causes a drowning episode. It's this near-death experience that inspires Burns to search for an heir. ("It won't be you, Smithers, because you will have the honor of being buried alive *next to* my skeleton.") It's a sign of Smithers' deep devotion that he tolerates the indignity of the "heir contest." In the climactic moments of the show, Smithers watches in horror as Burns tumbles into a deep pit (a ...