I'm pretty awful with middle schoolers. This wasn't a happy time in my own life, and I don't recall a truckload of gracious adults working to "connect" with me when I was in seventh or eighth grade. (I do remember a teacher confronting me after a big speech, a speech I was proud of. I imagined this teacher might say something nice. Instead, he rolled his eyes and said, "Your collar buttons were undone the whole time." A comment that seemed small to the adult--but not to the middle-school kid. A moment I'll never forget.)
When I try to "relate" to my middle schoolers, I lean heavily on movies. I once asked a group of tweens if they had seen "A Star Is Born": The smartest of the group guffawed and said, "We *might* have gone to see that....if we were forty-year-old housewives." I later learned that this kid had recently given a big presentation on Stephen Sondheim, and that her mother writes books on Dolly Parton for a living, and I knew, suddenly, that I had found a friend for life.
After my "Star Is Born" comment tanked, I asked if anyone had seen "Spider-Verse." I abbreviated the title because I'm a bit lazy, and because I thought this would give me "currency"; it would suggest that I was "cool," and had insider Hollywood knowledge. No dice. No one actually answered my question. Instead, a child sneered at me and said, "It's called SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE. It's not called SPIDER-VERSE." And this was the end of the conversation.
I guess--if I'm offering any tips--I'd say this. If you're subbing or teaching in a middle school, choose two behaviors you want to see for the duration of your class. The behaviors can even be arbitrary. "I want you to draw kangaroos and to quietly hum QUE SERA for the next forty minutes." Then, any time you see a student not doing what you have clearly defined, you stick to the facts. You can even show anger: "YOUR JOB IS TO DRAW KANGAROOS RIGHT NOW!" Don't get into a philosophical discussion. Don't defend the reasoning behind the task. Just state the task, then enforce your rules, in a deep voice. People like boundaries. The deep voice is bizarrely powerful.
The other thing I'd say: Don't get into battles about things you really don't feel invested in. A terrible misstep of mine: "Respect the DRESS CODE!" The tweens could hear, in my voice, that I actually cared not at all about the dress code, and so they ignored me. I could have pursued this--and lost more and more ground--but at least I recognized that the battle was over, and that the best thing to do was to change the subject.
It's a jungle out there. Try not to betray any weaknesses. Recognize when a lost cause is a lost cause. There's always tomorrow! And, as my all-time favorite mentor once said, "Just survey the craziness, and try to be amused." When all else fails, remember that you are likely obtaining some juicy new material.....
When I try to "relate" to my middle schoolers, I lean heavily on movies. I once asked a group of tweens if they had seen "A Star Is Born": The smartest of the group guffawed and said, "We *might* have gone to see that....if we were forty-year-old housewives." I later learned that this kid had recently given a big presentation on Stephen Sondheim, and that her mother writes books on Dolly Parton for a living, and I knew, suddenly, that I had found a friend for life.
After my "Star Is Born" comment tanked, I asked if anyone had seen "Spider-Verse." I abbreviated the title because I'm a bit lazy, and because I thought this would give me "currency"; it would suggest that I was "cool," and had insider Hollywood knowledge. No dice. No one actually answered my question. Instead, a child sneered at me and said, "It's called SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE. It's not called SPIDER-VERSE." And this was the end of the conversation.
I guess--if I'm offering any tips--I'd say this. If you're subbing or teaching in a middle school, choose two behaviors you want to see for the duration of your class. The behaviors can even be arbitrary. "I want you to draw kangaroos and to quietly hum QUE SERA for the next forty minutes." Then, any time you see a student not doing what you have clearly defined, you stick to the facts. You can even show anger: "YOUR JOB IS TO DRAW KANGAROOS RIGHT NOW!" Don't get into a philosophical discussion. Don't defend the reasoning behind the task. Just state the task, then enforce your rules, in a deep voice. People like boundaries. The deep voice is bizarrely powerful.
The other thing I'd say: Don't get into battles about things you really don't feel invested in. A terrible misstep of mine: "Respect the DRESS CODE!" The tweens could hear, in my voice, that I actually cared not at all about the dress code, and so they ignored me. I could have pursued this--and lost more and more ground--but at least I recognized that the battle was over, and that the best thing to do was to change the subject.
It's a jungle out there. Try not to betray any weaknesses. Recognize when a lost cause is a lost cause. There's always tomorrow! And, as my all-time favorite mentor once said, "Just survey the craziness, and try to be amused." When all else fails, remember that you are likely obtaining some juicy new material.....
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