The Academy Awards! Reliably among the most boring TV spectacles in any annual schedule. Awarding work that sometimes isn't distinguished, awarding work that sometimes isn't even very good.
And yet: the gowns! The occasional triumph of a deserving movie, such as "Spotlight"! Trivia! As John Waters has said, "If you aren't obsessed, you are NOTHING." Join me in this trivial obsession!
-A woman once won an Oscar for playing a man. She was Caucasian, and she was playing an Asian man. This wouldn't fly today. People loved the movie; the actress is still alive; and she seems, still, to take pride in her performance.
-Timothy Hutton won for "Ordinary People"--youngest ever, in that category--and then he did *not* disappear. He didn't! You could see him as the head coach in season two of that relentlessly gloomy soap opera, "American Crime," not to be confused with "American Crime Story." He was facing off against slick, oily head of school Felicity Huffman, and they would have terse almost-screaming-fights about paper shredders and sexual assault. Mary Tyler Moore almost won an Oscar for "Ordinary People," as well. Mary Tyler Moore!
-Martin Landau won for playing Bela Lugosi, and then Cate Blanchett won for playing Katharine Hepburn--and those are the only times Hollywood legends have won for playing other Hollywood legends.
-The guy from "Network" won *after he died* ....and then the guy from "The Dark Knight" -- Heath Ledger -- won after he died....and both actors were from Australia!
-James Coburn won for "Affliction" after never, ever having been nominated, despite many years of greatness--and people are wondering aloud if the same thing might happen to Sam Elliott this year.
-People get all breathless over Amy Adams, Donald Sutherland, Michelle Pfeiffer, Glenn Close, Annette Bening. These are the names that lead people to say: "Wait, that person *still* does not have an Oscar?"
-The NYT wisely hired a writer just to dig up weird stories about Oscars history. This was a column we had all been waiting for. Among my favorites is the one about Barbra Streisand: a musical star who won for playing another musical star. (We're talking about Fanny Brice, "Funny Girl.") Don't flinch: Here's what you need to know about Barbra. She wasn't meant to be in the Academy that year--because she didn't have enough credits. But the world made an exception for Barbra. She also didn't actually *tie* with Katharine Hepburn, but the margin of error was deemed sufficiently small to declare a faux-tie. (Streisand famously lost the FUNNY GIRL Tony Award, to Carol Channing. But then, a few years later, Streisand said F** YOU, CAROL, by taking Carol's role--Dolly Levi--in the movie adaptation of HELLO, DOLLY!) Anyway, if Streisand hadn't been a member of the Academy, and hadn't voted for herself, she likely would not have won an Oscar for "Funny Girl." She wore a scandalous gown--and she announced to herself, "I will win two Oscars in my life--and the next time, I'll dress conservatively." Years later, she won a second Oscar, for a song, and she did dress conservatively.
-People know that Cher won an Oscar for "Moonstruck," but they forget that she was nominated for "Silkwood," as well. Also, people forget that Bette Midler has some Oscar acting nominations under her belt.
-Vulture says that it's a bad idea to tell a story that is already getting told--in any given year--if you want an Oscar. That, says Vulture, is the reason why T. Chalamet will go home empty-handed this year. He should not have opted to play Lucas Hedges. And Lucas Hedges should not have opted to play T. Chalamet. We're talking about "Beautiful Boy" and "Ben Is Back." But I think Vulture is wrong. Consider the year "Coming Home" went up against "The Deer Hunter." Both were heavy Vietnam movies. Genre overlap! And yet both did fairly well at the Oscars! Think of Jane Fonda ("Coming Home"). Think of Christopher Walken ("Deer Hunter").
-It's fun to watch recent movies and notice the people with five or six lines who will go on to become Oscar-winning character actors. Making my way through "Hairspray," I found it entertaining that Oscar-less Pfeiffer and Travolta were the big stars, and yet there was Allison Janney, lurking in the shadows, and *she* would be the one to claim Oscar gold within a few years. This is how I spend my time.
-Can you talk about lipstick when there is a plague in the land? I can! Lipstick, lipstick, lipstick. NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE RESULTS OF THIS COMING SUNDAY NIGHT. Ain't it hard bein' so hardcore? Tune in!
And yet: the gowns! The occasional triumph of a deserving movie, such as "Spotlight"! Trivia! As John Waters has said, "If you aren't obsessed, you are NOTHING." Join me in this trivial obsession!
-A woman once won an Oscar for playing a man. She was Caucasian, and she was playing an Asian man. This wouldn't fly today. People loved the movie; the actress is still alive; and she seems, still, to take pride in her performance.
-Timothy Hutton won for "Ordinary People"--youngest ever, in that category--and then he did *not* disappear. He didn't! You could see him as the head coach in season two of that relentlessly gloomy soap opera, "American Crime," not to be confused with "American Crime Story." He was facing off against slick, oily head of school Felicity Huffman, and they would have terse almost-screaming-fights about paper shredders and sexual assault. Mary Tyler Moore almost won an Oscar for "Ordinary People," as well. Mary Tyler Moore!
-Martin Landau won for playing Bela Lugosi, and then Cate Blanchett won for playing Katharine Hepburn--and those are the only times Hollywood legends have won for playing other Hollywood legends.
-The guy from "Network" won *after he died* ....and then the guy from "The Dark Knight" -- Heath Ledger -- won after he died....and both actors were from Australia!
-James Coburn won for "Affliction" after never, ever having been nominated, despite many years of greatness--and people are wondering aloud if the same thing might happen to Sam Elliott this year.
-People get all breathless over Amy Adams, Donald Sutherland, Michelle Pfeiffer, Glenn Close, Annette Bening. These are the names that lead people to say: "Wait, that person *still* does not have an Oscar?"
-The NYT wisely hired a writer just to dig up weird stories about Oscars history. This was a column we had all been waiting for. Among my favorites is the one about Barbra Streisand: a musical star who won for playing another musical star. (We're talking about Fanny Brice, "Funny Girl.") Don't flinch: Here's what you need to know about Barbra. She wasn't meant to be in the Academy that year--because she didn't have enough credits. But the world made an exception for Barbra. She also didn't actually *tie* with Katharine Hepburn, but the margin of error was deemed sufficiently small to declare a faux-tie. (Streisand famously lost the FUNNY GIRL Tony Award, to Carol Channing. But then, a few years later, Streisand said F** YOU, CAROL, by taking Carol's role--Dolly Levi--in the movie adaptation of HELLO, DOLLY!) Anyway, if Streisand hadn't been a member of the Academy, and hadn't voted for herself, she likely would not have won an Oscar for "Funny Girl." She wore a scandalous gown--and she announced to herself, "I will win two Oscars in my life--and the next time, I'll dress conservatively." Years later, she won a second Oscar, for a song, and she did dress conservatively.
-People know that Cher won an Oscar for "Moonstruck," but they forget that she was nominated for "Silkwood," as well. Also, people forget that Bette Midler has some Oscar acting nominations under her belt.
-Vulture says that it's a bad idea to tell a story that is already getting told--in any given year--if you want an Oscar. That, says Vulture, is the reason why T. Chalamet will go home empty-handed this year. He should not have opted to play Lucas Hedges. And Lucas Hedges should not have opted to play T. Chalamet. We're talking about "Beautiful Boy" and "Ben Is Back." But I think Vulture is wrong. Consider the year "Coming Home" went up against "The Deer Hunter." Both were heavy Vietnam movies. Genre overlap! And yet both did fairly well at the Oscars! Think of Jane Fonda ("Coming Home"). Think of Christopher Walken ("Deer Hunter").
-It's fun to watch recent movies and notice the people with five or six lines who will go on to become Oscar-winning character actors. Making my way through "Hairspray," I found it entertaining that Oscar-less Pfeiffer and Travolta were the big stars, and yet there was Allison Janney, lurking in the shadows, and *she* would be the one to claim Oscar gold within a few years. This is how I spend my time.
-Can you talk about lipstick when there is a plague in the land? I can! Lipstick, lipstick, lipstick. NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE RESULTS OF THIS COMING SUNDAY NIGHT. Ain't it hard bein' so hardcore? Tune in!
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