Broadway Bulletin

A musical I hate:

"The Sound of Music." Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's back up. "Hate" is such a strong word! But I'm hoping to provoke--here.

"A lark who is learning to pray"--? WTF? And there's really very little character development among the nuns. And the songs Richard Rodgers added to the movie version--"Something Good" and "I Have Confidence"--are one big lumpy, watery mess.

I also feel like the deck is stacked unfairly and tediously against the Baroness. You make someone a Nazi sympathizer, and you more or less hand your audience an engraved tablet saying: "SIDE WITH MARIA! SIDE WITH MARIA!" How much more interesting--and more daring--the show would be, if Rodgers and Hammerstein had given the Captain an *actual* struggle in the Second Act.

A musical that is overrated:

"The Last Five Years." Yes, I would listen on repeat, but I would listen for Norbert Leo Butz's performance, and not for the writing. People in the theater world are so reverent about this show. And that's bizarre. The Times was right the first time. The character of Cathy is a big snooze, and it's never adequate, if you're a writer, to say, "That's how things were in actual life." A great deal in actual life is a snooze. Your job, as a writer, is to highlight what is interesting.

A musical that is underrated:

"Carousel." This show took a blow a few years ago, because various viewers felt that the heroine was not adequately in line with MeToo sentiments (as if all characters must be morally admirable, all the time).

Let me just remind you how gutsy and weird the story is. The "hero" is hot-headed and impossible, and he dies way, way before the climax. The apparently light and airy subplot--involving Carrie--is actually a bit disconcerting. Nearly every character is at least occasionally foolish, deluded, and weak. This is a side of R and H that people forget about.

And then there is the despair and bravado in "Soliloquy," when childish Billy imagines the life of his own child: "No flat-bottomed, flabby-faced, pot-bellied, baggy-eyed bully will boss him around!" It's a far cry from here to "The Sound of Music."

A musical I love:

"Violet." I don't think it works consistently--really, which musical does?--but Joshua Henry, singing, "My mama told me, Son, forget what might have been...." --? Always welcome. And, for Pete's sake, let's get Sutton Foster back on the Broadway stage.

A musical I cherish:

The film version of "The Little Mermaid." I didn't see the Broadway version, which sounded like a disaster. But let's be clear that Ashman was writing Broadway musicals in disguise, even when he was writing for the silver screen. Ariel dreaming of a life on land: A lifeline for gay midwestern boys, dreaming of New York City, now and forever.

A musical I could listen to on repeat:

"In the Heights." Ah! Mandy Gonzalez!

Guilty pleasure:

"Chess" ....really just the parts where the main lady shrieks center-stage. I'm very fond of Julia Murney hitting that strange, scary high note toward the end of "Nobody's Side." I also like Sutton Foster--simpering about a man, yes, but simpering so beautifully.

How to Host a Baby

-You have assumed responsibility for a mewling, puking ball of life, a yellow-lab pup. He will spit his half-digested kibble all over your shoes, all over your hard-cover edition of Jennifer Haigh's novel Faith . He will eat your tables, your chairs, your "I {Heart] Montessori" magnet, placed too low on the fridge. When you try to watch Bette Davis in Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte , on your TV, your dog will bark through the murder-prologue, for no apparent reason. He will whimper through Lena Dunham's Girls , such that you have to rewind several times to catch every nuance of Andrew Rannells's ad-libbing--and, still, you'll have a nagging suspicion you've missed something. Your dog will poop on the kitchen floor, in the hallway, between the tiny bars of his crate. He'll announce his wakefulness at 5 AM, 2 AM, or while you and another human are mid-coitus. All this, and you get outside, and it's: "Don't let him pee on my tulips!" When...

The Death of Bergoglio

It's frustrating for me to hear Bergoglio described as "the less awful pope"--because awful is still awful. I think I get fixated on ideas of purity, which can be juvenile, but putting that aside, here are some things that Bergoglio could have done and did not. (I'm quoting from a survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of the Church.) He could levy the harshest penalty, excommunication, against a dozen or more of the most egregious abuse enabling church officials. (He's done this to no enablers, or predators for that matter.) He could insist that every diocese and religious order turn over every record they have about suspected and known abusers to law enforcement. Francis could order every prelate on the planet to post on his diocesan website the names of every proven, admitted and credibly accused child molesting cleric. (Imagine how much safer children would be if police, prosecutors, parents and the public knew the identities of these potentially dangerous me...

Raymond Carver: "What's in Alaska?"

Outside, Mary held Jack's arm and walked with her head down. They moved slowly on the sidewalk. He listened to the scuffing sounds her shoes made. He heard the sharp and separate sound of a dog barking and above that a murmuring of very distant traffic. She raised her head. "When we get home, Jack, I want to be fucked, talked to, diverted. Divert me, Jack. I need to be diverted tonight." She tightened her hold on his arm. He could feel the dampness in that shoe. He unlocked the door and flipped the light. "Come to bed," she said. "I'm coming," he said. He went to the kitchen and drank two glasses of water. He turned off the living-room light and felt his way along the wall into the bedroom. "Jack!" she yelled. "Jack!" "Jesus Christ, it's me!" he said. "I'm trying to get the light on." He found the lamp, and she sat up in bed. Her eyes were bright. He pulled the stem on the alarm and b...

Liars and Saints

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