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My Evening with Cher

Cher is 73--as she'll freely tell you--and she has a few grudges.

Here's what I learned from her intermittently puzzling concert, at Barclays, Thursday night:

*In a long, rambling, actually disconcerting monologue, Cher recalled being forty. Jack Nicholson and a director had met with her. Then the director called Cher and said: "Jack and I think you are too old and unsexy to be in THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK." Cher was devastated.

*The part of the story that seemed to have a "parable" aura: After crying for a long while, Cher noticed how attractive and compelling her own tears were. She knew she could make creative use of these tears. And I think--though Cher spelled out very little on Thursday night--she was offering this WITCHES OF EASTWICK story as an example of how she rises above adversity. How she makes flowers from manure. But we didn't find out what changed with EASTWICK--how Cher ended up in the movie after all that pain. Instead, Cher made an abrupt non-transition to a story about David Letterman, a story in which she publicly called Letterman an asshole.

*"Song for the Lonely" seems like a canonical Cher work, and one that should be included in any farewell tour, but it's missing from the current tour.

*Cher--of course--pioneered "autotune" with her big post-death-of-Sonny single, "Believe." ("I looked at my tears and thought....these are attractive and compelling....") What people forget is that Cher actually can sing--and after "Believe," many non-singing artists used autotune as a way to try to mask their lack of ability.

*Did you know that when Cher appeared on that ship in the video for "If I Could Turn Back Time," those were actual U.S. Navy men surrounding her? There's a current of patriotism running through her work; "Song for the Lonely" eventually earned a dedication to the rescue workers who popped up after 9/11.

*In youth, Cher did not actually have clear music aspirations. She simply wanted to be famous. There's something refreshing about her candor--when she recalls this wish. Sonny hoped to groom her to be a solo artist, but she was a bit intimidated at first, and she insisted that Sonny appear in front of the camera with her. She willed herself to perform by just imagining that she was singing to Sonny.

*A particularly appealing segment of the current tour has Cher recalling her fondness for Elvis, then dressing as Elvis and offering a cover of "Walking in Memphis." The none-too-subtle backdrop has an old theater painted on it, with a marquee: "Come see Che-lvis....Live in Concert!"

This is simply a brief letter from Brooklyn, in case you were unable to see the actual event. The lady is in fine form. She is telling us all to be a bit more outlandish and ambitious in our daily lives, and God Bless Her for that!
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