My husband is discussing notes to our unborn son. He'd like to write to our son and say: "Be yourself. Do not be what others want (or seem to want) you to be."
When we offer advice, we are often talking to ourselves, and so I think of my husband in his earlier years, in the closet, and I think of the pain he must have gone through. His message to our son seems smart to me.
I also think of one of the best bits of advice I've encountered. It was an assignment a colleague of mine gave to the parents of our third graders. The parents had to offer one bit of wisdom to their kids. And the one I'll always remember is this: "Always wear comfortable shoes."
This works on a practical level. It is difficult to be of service to anyone--or to accomplish much of anything--if you're in uncomfortable shoes.
But, obviously, there's a symbolic meaning as well: Be kind to yourself. If you're at war with yourself, then it's unlikely that you'll be helpful to other people. You'll be bad company. (Of course, we're all at least mildly at war with ourselves all the time, and that's what makes life challenging and interesting.)
I guess I'd very much like my child to be aware of a big picture. A cosmic picture. To avoid pettiness. (Advice to myself, as well, obviously.)
And I'd like for my child to cultivate a sense of humor. To recognize a current of (intriguing) absurdity--running through stressful situations.
And I'd like for my child to remember a couple of sentences from Sondheim: "You move just a finger--say the slightest word...Something's bound to linger....be heard..." A double-edged observation (as everything is, in Sondheim). "You are not alone": meaning both (a) you have a constant source of comfort at hand and (b) you have an obligation to the world, and it's something to remember even in the smallest things that you choose to do.
We are getting close to August 1st!
When we offer advice, we are often talking to ourselves, and so I think of my husband in his earlier years, in the closet, and I think of the pain he must have gone through. His message to our son seems smart to me.
I also think of one of the best bits of advice I've encountered. It was an assignment a colleague of mine gave to the parents of our third graders. The parents had to offer one bit of wisdom to their kids. And the one I'll always remember is this: "Always wear comfortable shoes."
This works on a practical level. It is difficult to be of service to anyone--or to accomplish much of anything--if you're in uncomfortable shoes.
But, obviously, there's a symbolic meaning as well: Be kind to yourself. If you're at war with yourself, then it's unlikely that you'll be helpful to other people. You'll be bad company. (Of course, we're all at least mildly at war with ourselves all the time, and that's what makes life challenging and interesting.)
I guess I'd very much like my child to be aware of a big picture. A cosmic picture. To avoid pettiness. (Advice to myself, as well, obviously.)
And I'd like for my child to cultivate a sense of humor. To recognize a current of (intriguing) absurdity--running through stressful situations.
And I'd like for my child to remember a couple of sentences from Sondheim: "You move just a finger--say the slightest word...Something's bound to linger....be heard..." A double-edged observation (as everything is, in Sondheim). "You are not alone": meaning both (a) you have a constant source of comfort at hand and (b) you have an obligation to the world, and it's something to remember even in the smallest things that you choose to do.
We are getting close to August 1st!
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