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Barbara Walters: "The View"

A book rises and falls on the strength of its characters. “Ladies who Punch” is a history of Barbara Walters’s “The View.” And so here are the characters you get:

*Rosie O’Donnell. Raped by her father, neglected by her mother. Embroiled in a one-way pseudo-love-affair with Elisabeth Hasselbeck. (“She played sports in college. I’m sure she is secretly gay.”) Rosie: blithely laying out conspiracy theories on TV. Rosie: publicly outing Clay Aiken while masquerading as a defender of Clay Aiken. (Rosie is forever and always the star of this show. Dismissed and re-hired. Watched closely by Donald Trump: “She’ll be back.”)

*Tina Fey: “Of course we spoofed THE VIEW on SNL. We needed to create roles for women. You’re telling me I’m tearing down women? I’m giving women a spotlight. Of course a man needed to play Star Jones because -- deep sigh -- we had zero black women on SNL.”

*Whoopi Goldberg: She wins an Oscar for GHOST; things are going well. Then she speaks out against Dubyah: “You know, I love bush, always, but this Bush needs to make his exit.” People find the joke distasteful; Whoopi suffers a serious professional blow. She revives herself with THE VIEW. Rosie can’t stand her and suspects she is “phoning in” her performance, day after day.

*Barbara Walters: A crowning achievement was asking Monica whether--in the world of oral sex--Bill Clinton had been simply a catcher, or a pitcher/catcher combo.

*Debbie Matenopoulos, Lisa Ling, Elisabeth Hasselbeck. All fired. Matenopoulos won the job by saying, in an audition, that Madonna was among the major world-shapers of the twentieth century. (Scandalous!) But Matenopoulous rarely knew what she was talking about. So: Bring in Lisa. Lisa always knew what she was talking about, but perhaps she was too dry. Bring in reality-TV star Hasselbeck. (It was at THIS point that the tradition of hiring a young conservative came about, not sooner. Ling had been left-leaning.) Hasselebeck had the great honor of becoming a petulant Kristen Wiig character, among my favorite characters in world history. Who could ask for anything more?

“Ladies who Punch” is maybe the most entertaining book I’ve ever read. Two thumbs up!
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