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On Marriage

Marriage is all contradiction.
On blissful days, you choose to live
for the moment, as in romantic fiction;
on miserable ones, believe
in what lies beyond the blue horizon.
In short, you can't be realistic
unless you dare to throw out reason...
and marriage, after all, is a joint
venture, not a game in which
adversaries score a point;
both of you stand to lose the match.

That's Mary Jo Salter. The poem is "A Benediction."

 It's really a poem about death (I think). You and your partner can live in the present, or you can dwell on fears about deterioration and loss (things that are inevitable, in life: "what lies beyond the blue horizon"). A little realism is a good idea, but it can bog you down. A little fancifulness is a good idea, but it can leave you blind-sided.

 The final lines could help so many people, if posted in so many living rooms: "Marriage, after all, is a joint venture, not a game in which adversaries score a point; both of you stand to lose the match."

 These lines helped me after a recurring bit of comedy in my own marriage. My husband and I arrive for a house inspection; I want to help move things along by managing the Baby Bjorn on my own. My husband wants to ensure the safety of all by overseeing the use of the Bjorn. Good intentions all around: Efficiency (on my end)! Helpfulness (on his)! But, tilt the prism, and the intentions can be lost: What looks like efficiency can also look like sloppiness. What looks like helpfulness can also look a bit overbearing.

 A deep breath and a poem: These are great things.

 Happy reading!

 P.S. Two playful things I like in this poem. (1) How "reason" is echoed in "realistic." (2) How Salter declares that marriage isn't a game, but then says both of you "stand to lose the match." Not a game, but also: a game. "All contradiction."

 P.P.S. There's an interesting use of sort-of-rhyme-sort-of-consonance. Contradiction, fiction, horizon, reason. Live, believe. Which, match.
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