Skip to main content

Parenthood

Sometimes, reading "Frog and Toad," I worry that I'm giving my son terrible lessons about co-dependence.



Take "The List." This is a story in which--predictably--Toad loses his mind.


Like any neurotic, Toad struggles with the concept of time. (Time has to do with boundaries, and a neurotic can't really handle time, or money, or any other "boundary thing.")


You'll notice that time comes up again and again in the Lobel works: the one about mail, the one about springtime, the one about Christmas. (Time--and falling asleep. Toad--deeply-depressed--is often shown as falling asleep, or deep in sleep.)
 

To manage his time obsession, Toad structures his day with a to-do list. It's ridiculous. It's like: "Take a shower. Have a walk. Clean ears. Skip through meadow. See Frog. Fly a kite. Drink tea. Go to sleep."


Toad gets to Frog, but his list flies away, and, unlike a normal person, he can't function. He has a full meltdown. (HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT THE LIST?)


Frog--strangely-tolerant Frog--ultimately says, "Why don't we just have a rest?" And Toad says, "Yes! Rest! THAT WAS ON THE LIST!"


Cute. 


I wonder, though.


I wonder: Is Frog aiding and abetting Toad's lunacy? Could Frog benefit from Al-Anon? Would an intervention be appropriate? Not: "Let's have a rest." Instead: "You must get counseling, or you will self-destruct."


These are the thoughts that run through my head. But my son is mostly quiet. He likes the pictures.


Really, though, where is the serious, probing, critical essay about all of this?


More later.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Host a Baby

-You have assumed responsibility for a mewling, puking ball of life, a yellow-lab pup. He will spit his half-digested kibble all over your shoes, all over your hard-cover edition of Jennifer Haigh's novel  Faith . He will eat your tables, your chairs, your "I {Heart] Montessori" magnet, placed too low on the fridge. When you try to watch Bette Davis in  Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte , on your TV, your dog will bark through the murder-prologue, for no apparent reason. He will whimper through Lena Dunham's  Girls , such that you have to rewind several times to catch every nuance of Andrew Rannells's ad-libbing--and, still, you'll have a nagging suspicion you've missed something. Your dog will poop on the kitchen floor, in the hallway, between the tiny bars of his crate. He'll announce his wakefulness at 5 AM, 2 AM, or while you and another human are mid-coitus. All this, and you get outside, and it's: "Don't let him pee on my tulips!" When...

Joshie

  When I was growing up, a class birthday involved Hostess cupcakes. Often, the cupcakes would come in a shoebox, so you could taste a leathery residue (during the party). Times change. You can't bring a treat into a public school, in 2024, because heaven knows what kind of allergies might lurk, in unseen corners, in the classroom. But Joshua's teacher will allow: a dance party, a pajama day, or a guest reader. I chose to bring a story for Joshua's birthday (observed), but I didn't think through the role that anxiety might play in this interaction. We talk, in this house, quite a bit about anxiety; one game-changer, for J, has been a daily list of activities, so that he knows exactly what to expect. He gets a look of profound satisfaction when he sees the agenda; it doesn't really matter what the specific events happen to be. It's just about knowing, "I can anticipate X, Y, and Z." Joshua struggled with his celebration. He wore his nervousness on his f...

Josh at Five

 Joshie's project is "flexibility"; the goal is to see that a plan is just an idea, not a gospel, not a guarantee. This is difficult. Yesterday, we went to a restaurant--billed as "open," with unlocked doors--and the owner informed us of an "error in advertising." But Joshie couldn't accept the word "closed." He threw himself on the floor, then climbed on the furniture. I felt for the owner, until he nervously made a reference to "the glass windows." He imagined that my child might toss himself through a sealed window, like Mary Katherine Gallagher, or like Bruce Willis, in "Die Hard." Then--thank the Lord!--I was able to laugh. The thing that really has therapeutic value for Joshie is: a firetruck. If we are out in public, and he spots a parked truck, he wants to climb on each surface. He breathlessly alludes to the wheels, the door, the windows. If an actual fire station ("fire ocean," in Joshie's parla...