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A Summer Friendship

 The best essay I read this summer was "A Fine Nomance," by Elinor Lipman (you're correct that she invented a word), and it's about dating after your husband has died:


At 59, I was a new widow writing a novel about a new widow who was socially maladroit. When her story started to stagnate, I knew I had to get her out of the house. Me, too. I signed us both up for Match.com.

Dates followed. Not all were horrible, but the reporter in me liked the worst ones for their anecdotal value. There was the man who stuck his Nicorette gum under his seat, the 70-ish actor who had been among the six husbands of one of the “Golden Girls” and the guy who asked proudly if I had noticed that he stirred his coffee without the spoon touching the cup. I had not.

I decided to drop out. Just before hitting the “remove” button of Match.com, I remembered I was mining comically bad biographical bits for fictional use and should stick with it. For the first time in weeks, I checked that day’s menu of allegedly suitable suitors and spotted Jonathan, who looked nice and geographically convenient to my New York City block.....


I actually spent most of my summer reading Elinor Lipman: "I Can't Complain," "On Turpentine Lane," "The Inn at Lake Devine," "My Latest Grievance." I recommend each and every one: smart, clear-eyed, surprising, funny, fast-paced. Elinor was My Summer Writer.


In "A Fine Nomance," Lipman recalls being widowed, and finding herself in need of companionship. The subtext is that she doesn't really want to let go of her marriage. So, on dates, she isn't actually "present": She is using her reporter brain to catalog weird quirks in her guy's behavior. (If you're a writer, you've been guilty of this particular bit of trickery, as well.)


What I find so engaging is that Lipman is willing to show her flaws; she will dismiss someone for being "unduly athletic," or for being "vegetarian." She'll entertain herself by quietly mocking a man who takes pride in his coffee consumption, and she'll prod herself to use new people for material. Someone willing to be so ugly--so human--in print .... must be honest. Wouldn't you want to spend time with her?


I won't say where the essay goes, except to note that the various twists are moving and startling--as Lipman's writing just tends to be. I loved my months with her this year. I'm glad I finally poked myself--and forced myself to check out her books.

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