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Salvy








Salvy has had a challenging year. His little brother has grown from a mostly inert, peaceful creature into a rather demanding pseudo-antagonist and rival.


I see many of my own (interpersonal) dramas mirrored in the daily Salvy/Joshua friction. Joshua knows that Salvy is often an object of discipline--we're often saying, "Salvy, no, no, no"--so Joshua himself has learned to widen his eyes at Salvy and shout NO NO NO NO! (apropos of nothing.....)


Joshua *says* NO, but, also, he throws himself at Salvy, constantly, so we needn't wonder why Salvy might sometimes feel confused.


At the same time, Salvy doesn't help the situation. He drapes himself coyly on Joshua's feet, as if begging for contact. I'm exasperated, then, when he gets the contact he seems to want -- and immediately begins growling at Joshua.


All of this makes me think of a famous "Aaron Burr" moment in "Hamilton." Remember, Burr is frequently befuddled and irritated by Alexander: "Talk less. Smile more." "Why do you write like it's going out of style?" "Call your first witness. THAT'S ALL YOU HAD TO SAY." Nevertheless, Burr keeps returning again and again to Alexander, as if just one more harangue might persuade Alexander to change his ways.


In his wisest moment, alone, Burr confronts himself, and he states what we all know, deep down, at least when we're being honest: "*I* am the one thing in life I can control...."


A mentor I had once advised me on dealing with a frustrating colleague. She said, "Why don't you remember what you *like* about the person? Dwell on *those* things."


And there are so many things I love about Salvy. Despite the occasional growling, he is generally unflappable. (So much more unflappable than humans.) Salvy will alert me if Joshua is approaching a set of stairs. (Yes, there's a gate, but it's nice to have back-up.) Also, Salvy was a steadfast cheerleader when I first moved to "the country," and when my husband was still traveling. It could feel overwhelming to be alone in a dark house with a tiny baby and no neighbors nearby ("nearby," if you're using a Brooklyn definition).....Salvy was a rock, for me, through those many weeks.


A daily highlight, at present, is the twenty minutes after dinner when I can deposit my infant with his other dad, and when Salvy and I can set out for a walk. Salvy is quirky, so he will sometimes plant himself in a pile of snow ten yards from our house--and that will be the extent of the walk. This is fine. I sing show tunes to him. We're very quiet together.


We look at the stars. We greet the neighboring dogs.


And we head home.

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