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On Being Married

 I have a large abscess on my back. I'm not sure why it's there, but I've decided not to feel ashamed by it, and it's certainly been a source of entertainment these past few days.

My doctor gasped when she saw it, and then she began to use particularly disgusting words, and I've made a hobby of cataloging the grossest language: "discharge from the growth," "the meat of the growth," "draining the pus," "when the infection begins to weep...."

My doctor also suggested that I see an ENT, regarding earwax buildup.

"You need a specialist for that?" said my husband. "Ask the doctor if you should call a proctologist every time you have to wipe your ass...."

I picked up baby oil--as an earwax home-remedy--and my husband grew confused. "You're going to use that on the boil?" he asked. And I explained that I had moved on to Problem Number Two -- the ear problem.

"You use a pipet and drop the oil in your ear, and the oil softens the wax...for irrigation..."

My husband smiled. "Now you're just trying to turn me on."

I've been grateful to Marc through all of this--for his sense of humor. He has described the various gauze pads I've used as if they were works of modern art. ("Saturday was *really* striking....") Also, Marc tried the baby-oil trick with me, in solidarity--despite some skepticism. This made the process slightly less bizarre.

I, personally, feel my hearing has improved--and my boil is rounding a corner. I've learned to avoid Q-tips and embrace the pipet. I've learned this: If the blood and discharge on your back actually acts as a kind of cement, and the cement glues the gauze pad to your flesh, you should just hop in the shower. The pad might fall off. You don't have to envision horror scenarios in which two-thirds of your skin gets forcibly peeled off. At least: Not yet.

Day after day, I've felt awe on this journey.
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Comments

  1. Unkie JMarch 8, 2021 at 12:03 PM

    A boil should not have a corner. Perhaps you should see a prescribing mathematician?

    ReplyDelete
  2. ReaderMarch 9, 2021 at 4:32 AM

    Thanks! The boil is.... "rounding a bend" -- !!

    ReplyDelete

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