Skip to main content

Standard Deviations

 I really liked Katherine Heiny's new book, "Early Morning Riser," which is like a sexier, raunchier version of Anne Tyler.

Heiny is interested in human behavior, in absurd moments that could happen in Jane Austen or happen in Curtis Sittenfeld; her work has a timeless quality. 

Here, Heiny describes a married couple. The man was famously promiscuous before settling down. This creates an issue when the couple gets pregnant:

What would they name the baby? Girls' names were problematic because Jane didn't want to give the baby the name of any of Duncan's old girlfriends, which meant they couldn't choose Ann, Annabel, Angela, Barbara, Brandy, Candy, Mandy, Mindy, Lindy, Cindy, Trudy, Judy, Jody, Jill, Jessica, Julie, Jennifer, Gina, Christina, Irina, Regina, Sabrina, Susan, Suzanne, Susannah, Sherry, Barrie, Carrie, Kerry, Mary, Michelle, Isabelle, Noelle, Gabrielle, Janelle, Danielle, Debbie, Denise, Darlene, Darcy, Marcy, or Vicki. And those were only the names he could remember! Lynn, Linda, Leslie, Lorie, Laura, Leah, and Lana were also out because Duncan had had a weeklong affair in 1996 with a woman whose name he never learned but whose initials were believed to be LTR based on the monogrammed towel she'd left behind. It was a nice towel. Jane liked it....

Basically every page is this funny. The writing is both unpretentious and unsentimental.

Also, the book is the most accurate account of teaching second grade that I know of. (One child refuses to walk to the bathroom, because "it's only sometimes there...when I turn left. Sometimes, it's there, and sometimes it's not. When it's not there, I don't pee." Sending a child two doors down to deliver a note to the principal means possibly saying goodbye to a student for a full hour--or even more!)

Additionally, the book captures what it feels like to be a parent of a young child, or children. ("She and her husband could do the nighttime ritual in under twenty minutes, if they picked the shortest lullaby they could think of....")

The book is smart about damage and meanness--how mysterious inner pain can cause people to make a mess. For example, the hero's mother insists on calling a little girl "Patty," when the girl's name is "Patrice." When corrected, the old lady says, in a stupefying way, "I'll use PATTY. We don't all get what we want in this world. The Earth can be a cold place. Patty needs to start to understand that."

I could go on. I'm sorry to have to part with these characters.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Host a Baby

-You have assumed responsibility for a mewling, puking ball of life, a yellow-lab pup. He will spit his half-digested kibble all over your shoes, all over your hard-cover edition of Jennifer Haigh's novel  Faith . He will eat your tables, your chairs, your "I {Heart] Montessori" magnet, placed too low on the fridge. When you try to watch Bette Davis in  Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte , on your TV, your dog will bark through the murder-prologue, for no apparent reason. He will whimper through Lena Dunham's  Girls , such that you have to rewind several times to catch every nuance of Andrew Rannells's ad-libbing--and, still, you'll have a nagging suspicion you've missed something. Your dog will poop on the kitchen floor, in the hallway, between the tiny bars of his crate. He'll announce his wakefulness at 5 AM, 2 AM, or while you and another human are mid-coitus. All this, and you get outside, and it's: "Don't let him pee on my tulips!" When...
3 comments
Read more

Joshie

  When I was growing up, a class birthday involved Hostess cupcakes. Often, the cupcakes would come in a shoebox, so you could taste a leathery residue (during the party). Times change. You can't bring a treat into a public school, in 2024, because heaven knows what kind of allergies might lurk, in unseen corners, in the classroom. But Joshua's teacher will allow: a dance party, a pajama day, or a guest reader. I chose to bring a story for Joshua's birthday (observed), but I didn't think through the role that anxiety might play in this interaction. We talk, in this house, quite a bit about anxiety; one game-changer, for J, has been a daily list of activities, so that he knows exactly what to expect. He gets a look of profound satisfaction when he sees the agenda; it doesn't really matter what the specific events happen to be. It's just about knowing, "I can anticipate X, Y, and Z." Joshua struggled with his celebration. He wore his nervousness on his f...
2 comments
Read more

Josh at Five

 Joshie's project is "flexibility"; the goal is to see that a plan is just an idea, not a gospel, not a guarantee. This is difficult. Yesterday, we went to a restaurant--billed as "open," with unlocked doors--and the owner informed us of an "error in advertising." But Joshie couldn't accept the word "closed." He threw himself on the floor, then climbed on the furniture. I felt for the owner, until he nervously made a reference to "the glass windows." He imagined that my child might toss himself through a sealed window, like Mary Katherine Gallagher, or like Bruce Willis, in "Die Hard." Then--thank the Lord!--I was able to laugh. The thing that really has therapeutic value for Joshie is: a firetruck. If we are out in public, and he spots a parked truck, he wants to climb on each surface. He breathlessly alludes to the wheels, the door, the windows. If an actual fire station ("fire ocean," in Joshie's parla...
Post a Comment
Read more