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Parenthood

 Before you have children, no one tells you about the straw.


The straw, the straw. This is the sort of thing that eats up your days. A child of two "should" be able to drink from a straw. There are consequences to straw-delay. Your child may develop an overbite, then a need for orthodontia. Virtuous behavior now--right now--means that you may save yourself from later office visits, later bills.

You begin to study your child's teeth obsessively; you study the smiley photos, you look for clues. Can I find my own future in this sunny photo from the beach?

The speech therapist recommends a bear-shaped vessel with a straw attached; it's cute! But your dog eats the vessel, right after your child throws it--with fury--to the floor. You buy a second bear-vessel. Your child shrieks and throws the bear--again. Your dog eats the (second) bear, and then this process stops.

An obvious solution would be to store the bear up high, but in the battle to keep the gates closed, the bleach locked away, the diapers changed, the battery-charged car key out of reach......the bear project just gets discarded.

You find a slightly thicker plastic and--though it's not therapist-approved--this plastic does defeat your dog. Your child sometimes holds the plastic; he doesn't seem to be ingesting any water from the straw. But there's something to be said for play-acting. Fake it till you make it.

At "school," all the other kids drink happily from straws. Your child screams and demands a bottle, then clings to you until the teacher murmurs that you can just give up, load up the carseat, and try again some other day.

None of this seems to bother your child. Within minutes of arriving home, he is happy again, babbling with gusto, drumming on his chest when he meets a stranger.

You recall the words of Elmo, on "Sesame Street": "Just change-change-change your plan! Just be flexible! It's so respectable!"

And tomorrow is another day.
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