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Better Things

 Months ago, Anne Lamott wrote a memorable attack on Mother's Day; one of Lamott's observations was that the day randomly puts a mom on a pedestal, "when, in fact, I was mostly raised by my neighborhood's gay men."


I think of this in relation to "Better Things"; it's not that Mom has disappeared, but Dad clearly has, and a great deal of parenting work gets shifted to Sam Fox's "gay husband," Rich. 

I didn't realize, early on, that Rich would have a major role. I recall that he dates a very young man at one point, and he has his heart broken, and he fights with Sam because Frankie's disappearance requires too much "emotional energy." In happier moments, Sam urges Rich to "go back to writing." Then, when the show really confronts the issue of the missing dad, Rich assumes a lead-character status.

One wonderful scene has the actual dad forgetting Rich's name; Rich smiles, with rage, and says, "I just want you to know that I take your daughters to recitals, to rehearsals, to concerts, to auditions, to curriculum night. Over and over, people approach me and say, Your children are so poised! And I just have to say to you: It is a privilege, every minute, every second, that I have with Frankie, Max, and Duke." Sam's ex later teases Rich about Rich's unrealized novel-writing plan. Calmly, Rich says, "I have a job, in case you weren't aware. And I plan to self-publish my book. What are you doing with *your* life?"

Rich isn't perfect. We see this in "Family Meeting"--when a barber reveals that Rich often speaks of his "tall, willowy, blond" wife. (I love this, and I do this, too. I feel, if you enquire about my "wife" in a public setting, it's not really my duty to educate you. I will absolutely speak about my "wife," if it makes the social event easier for me. Your assumptions are not my problem.)

Rich also has a habit of returning to a toxic ex--and, though he is heroic in so many ways, he can't hear reason when Sam tries to guide him through his love life. This makes me enjoy and admire Rich--a human, and not a Marvel crusader--in new ways, week after week.

I hadn't known we would get a Rich-centric episode--but that's what "507: Family Meeting" seems to be. I loved when Rich took Duke's vaping tool and said, "Use this again. I'll fucking kill you." I also loved Rich's graciousness regarding Jerza's new name: "Thank you for telling me, and I like your choice."

Let's hope this actor gets new work after the show shuts down.

P.S. It’s nice to regard Rich as a kind of tribute to James Marshall and Tomie dePaola--childless gay men who raised America. They continue to raise America. They do their work when we notice them. AND they do their work when we take them for granted. 
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