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My Kid's Meltdowns

 My husband and I have a social goal; we have neighbors we'd like to befriend.


The problem is that our son stole the neighbor-child's scooter. At a large outdoor party, Josh grabbed the scooter and wandered off, and the little girl began decrying the injustice.

My sympathies are with the little girl--but any intervention with Josh leads to volcanic rage. You try to put toothpaste on his toothbrush, and he becomes a hellbeast; his irises turn yellow, and fangs emerge from his gums.

There is a trope: the parent who insists her child is lovely, while that child detonates bombs in the background. Most recently, in the film "M3gan," the director had a mom proposing canonization for her child (while that same child screamed verbal abuse at the film's tiny leading actress). I don't want to be this kind of parent. When the occupational therapist blithely says, "Your son tried to swat at me, and you really shouldn't let him do that," I wonder what course of action she has imagined for me. Do I have a long, reasonable chat with my child? Do I give him a PowerPoint presentation? Do I send a letter, in triplicate, and ask him to provide a notarized signature to attest to his having read and agreed with my new behavioral plan?

An in-law has the most helpful observation: "Little kids can be terrorists. Distract them. Remove them from the scene. Distract them. Remove them from the scene. And: repeat. There is no negotiating, no calm conversing, with terrorists...."

I think this is right. If I could revisit the scooter conflict, I would grab my child, plug one ear to drown out the tantrum, and retreat to my house. Just....wait for the next party, and try again.

Ah, well. Onward and upward.
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