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Maplewood, NJ

 Sometimes, I think I live in a Richard Russo novel. Russo writes beautifully (and a little viciously) about small-town life.


In one novel, a large portion of a cemetery is set aside for flat graves--and a resident of the town observes that people are just going to drive over the graves (making a shortcut from Blockbuster to the grocery store). Unthinkable! But the pitiless resident is correct.

In Russo's new book, a candidate for office wants ads that say: "We're Not Happy Until You're Happy." But he fails to notice an error in the printing; actually, the ads say, "We're Not Happy Until You're Not Happy."

My town has bad drivers, but also confusing traffic signs. When people complain about the signs, a loud minority says, "It's not the signs! It's bad driving! People just need to learn to drive better!" ....Curiously, this refrain seems to accomplish nothing. 

My husband tried to address the issue by posting a photo of a car that had flipped over outside our front door. (Confusing signs/bad drivers.) This would be a kind of rallying cry, and our neighbors would rise up, as in the Second Act of "Les Miserables." Some heard the cry, but others became wrapped up in questions about journalistic ethics. "HOW COULD YOU POST THAT PHOTO? SOMEONE MIGHT HAVE BEEN DEAD IN THAT CAR! IMAGINE IT'S YOUR TEEN CHILD--AND YOU LOG IN TO FACEBOOK, AND: RIGHT THERE! HE IS DEAD, AND ON FACEBOOK, AND ROTTING IN HIS CAR!!!"

(No one was dead in the car.)

Our town did ultimately take action--but the local town leaders installed new stop signs before they were ready for an "unveiling." So the new stop signs stood awkwardly on various street corners--half-shrouded in plastic bags. If you were approaching from behind, you wouldn't notice the bag--and you would see the classic octagonal shape. And you'd think, "A gray octagonal shape--what can this mean? Gray, not red....My brain is telling me to solve this puzzle...." And by the time you could arrive at some kind of answer, the resident behind you had smashed into the bumper of your car.

We have problems, in this town, but, also, we're home to the original star of "The Cher Show."

You can see her shopping--sometimes--and you're filled with civic pride. There she is, considering a purchase (a new novel!)....And perhaps, mentally, she is "running her lines"....on an ordinary Maplewood night.....
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