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Dad Diary

 If I had just one minute to whine, I'd choose a single topic: decisions.


The school doesn't want food on a collar, any collar, but let's say your child is three, and a messy eater. Do you wage a war against the school's shallow fascistic policy? Do you strip your child to his undies before every meal? Do you invest in an art smock? (This is a great idea for exactly two days, before your child realizes that he can just remove the smock. He can remove it--again and again and again.)

Your child's hypotonia "might" dovetail with lactose intolerance. "And we humans really are not designed to eat dairy." Do you accept this amateur opinion, or do you keep on buying yogurt, until the appointment with the GI doctor confirms (inevitably) that the amateur opinion is correct? The amateur in question has more thoughts: Regulating bowel movements may be a years-long struggle. Low muscle tone is low muscle tone and, after all, the intestine is built from muscle. Do you want the name of a therapist whose work is centered specifically on toilet training? Do you laugh in your friend's face? If you murmur, in a non-committal way, well, how much time do you think you're buying for yourself before the subject of the poop guru recurs (and recurs, again and again)?

Also: If you have a ticket to "Oppenheimer," but a friend's sibling dies, but you're feeling like you're short on cash, do you redirect the "Oppenheimer" sitter money toward the "funeral-sitter-coverage" fund? If you do commit to *both* activities, and you see "Oppenheimer," do you round up to the next hour, for the sitter, or is this foolishly over-generous? If the sitter is going to resent your stinginess, in a silent way, and never work for you again, is the stinginess just a way of shooting yourself in the foot? 

These are my first-world problems. I do recommend "Oppenheimer"--and I'll have to get back to you on all the poop stuff.
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