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Christmas Diary

 One of my favorite traditions is the Christmas horror film. In "Silent Night," Keira Knightley plans her own death, with assistance from her husband, Matthew Goode. The apocalypse is en route; most families are choosing a pharmacological "early exit." (The film's greatest scene involves the Coca Cola that Matthew Goode selects. A few of his children complain that he has settled for Coke Zero, rather than real Coke. They're really going to take their suicide pills with Coke Zero? The suspense builds and builds.)


More recently, we were treated to "Violent Night," in which Santa has to murder a gang of murderers? I can't remember. But: great title, great ad campaign.

This year, no such movie exists, so I made do with "The Order." There isn't a holiday theme. You just get Nicholas Hoult as the head of a neo-Nazi cult; Hoult literally terminates underlings who irritate him, and he plants a bomb in a porno theater (somewhere near Seattle?) ....But Hoult is no match for Jude Law, who repeatedly endangers his own life in the quest for justice. Everything builds to a Waco-esque showdown: Clearly, one character will die via self-immolation, but...could the body count climb to two?

I cannot share my interests with my children, but at least we can all bond over "Charlie Brown." What I love here is the utter lack of sentimentality. These kids are painfully honest. And, though I wish that Charlie himself could be a bit savvier, I admire the fact that he does not give up. (He is like Milhouse Van Houten, in this way; I have Milhouse in mind, as the actor plans her retirement.)

My final wish for Christmas is to watch "O C'mon All Ye Faithful," a recent holiday episode of "The Simpsons." I've just learned that "The Simpsons" has experienced a renaissance in its last three years; I don't know if actual non-professionals still watch the show, but the critics have rediscovered their enthusiasm. Seems like a nice holiday gift for America.
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