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A Gay Man's Guide to Taylor Swift

People sometimes think ambivalence is a lack of feeling, but it's actually the opposite. It's too much feeling. It's being pulled in two directions at once.

It's a favorite theme in the work of Sondheim: "Marry me...a little....Love me...just enough..." And: "You're sorry/grateful. Regretful/happy. Why look for answers where none occur?"

What distinguishes Taylor Swift's work is that the writer is consistently injecting ambivalence into pop songs. While Ariana Grande tends to insist on *one* emotion--"I'm so f***ing grateful for my ex"--Tay Tay, by contrast, recognizes that we tend to feel one thing *and its opposite* in the same moment.

We are confused and torn up. We cannot keep track of our warring impulses.

I feel this on an almost constant basis: Right now, for example, I hate the fact that I'm at work, and I'm bored, and I also want to do a good job, and I'm pleased to see some of the people I work with. A stew of feelings!

You see this kind of thinking in Taylor Swift's "Babe." When Swift observes that her ex "broke the sweetest promise that he never should have made," that use of "sweet" is very "studied." If Swift's feelings are dreadful, how can they also be "sweet"? Because she is human.

The same kind of thing happens when Swift says: "I hate that, because of you, I can't love you." She is addressing one lover, but really the lover seems to have two faces: The lecherous face prevents Swift from sticking around for the adorable face.

(And when Swift suggests that "those eyes don't look so innocent now," it seems to me she is inviting us to pair famously puppy-eyed Jake Gyllenhaal with the character she is inventing. Elsewhere, she refers to a Jake-esque character's "sweet disposition.")

Does any of this matter? Perhaps not. But, in trying to account for Swift's success, it seems important to underline ambivalence--and clever depictions of ambivalence--whenever possible. The Divided Self. The story under the story. This is just good storytelling. It makes sense to peer under the hood and see what makes things "purr."

P.S. Where are some other Swiftian references to ambivalence? "You look like bad news. I gotta have you." "I say I hate you, we break up, you call me, I love you." "And I wish I could run to you. And every time I don't? I almost do." Feel free to add your own favorites here!
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