Liars and Saints

  In this house, we're very excited about "The Little Mermaid." I know how people of a certain age talk about Elvis; this is how I will refer to Howard Ashman, when I'm in retirement. I'm ready to hold a cane, and widen my eyes, and whisper, " There will never be another Howard Ashman.... " Just a reminder that Ashman wrote the work that is now widely regarded as the greatest screen-to-stage adaptation in the history of entertainment. I'm talking about "Little Shop of Horrors." (I also tend to think that "Little Shop" might simply be the closest-to-perfect musical comedy in the canon....My apologies to Stephen Sondheim.) Ashman wrote unforgettable characters, but he really excelled in the realm of villains: "Audrey II," the dentist, Gaston, D'Arque. Certainly his greatest achievement was Ursula, the Sea Witch, whom he modeled on Joan Collins and Divine. Disney's new effort will sink or swim as its Ursula sinks or...

  When Sandra Boynton brings her “A” game, all parts of the text are undeniable. An example: “The Belly Button Book.” The title already deserves a Pulitzer. A Boynton one-two punch means that the opening lines will *match* the greatness of the title: This tiny hippopotamus has something *small* to say. And if you listen now, he’ll say it right away. (BEE-BO!) You may not know what BEE-BO means, or maybe you’ve forgotten. It’s just the tiny hippo way of saying BELLY BUTTON. Harold Bloom speaks of the “anxiety of influence”: Virgil rewrites Homer, John Milton rewrites Virgil, and so on. I like to think that Sandra Boynton—with her hippos—is choosing to rewrite James Marshall. Famously, Marshall showed his hippos in bathing suits. And Sandra Boynton sends her own hippos to “Belly Button Beach.” We hippos love our belly b’s….. They’re round, and cute, and funny…. And there’s a place we take them to…. When summer days are sunny…..  Finally, Boynton “lands the plane” ...

 I'm watching TV that makes me feel very little; "UnPrisoned" is too much like a sitcom, and "Lucky Hank" doesn't have a plot. So it's a relief to reacquaint myself with "Succession." Like the writer Elizabeth McCracken, I am deeply suspicious of anything called "heartwarming." You couldn't pay me to watch "Ted Lasso," and the recent "Shrinking" interview on "Fresh Air" sort of left me cold. And so I think that the bleakness and raunchiness of "Succession" is exhilarating. Just to recap: *A father wants his estranged children ("the rats") to make a "happy birthday" call. So he has his preteen "assistant and friend" make a lobbying effort. The rats say, "He needs to place the call." The friend says: "I think a text could be arranged." One rat says, "No deal. Thanks for taking his cock out of your mouth so you could chat with us...." ...

 My child's teacher definitely disappeared. Nothing was communicated to families, beyond the words: "New Teacher Beginning ... Now!" It was tempting to ask for more information, but I'm slightly frightened by the principal. She tends to start her emails with three words: "Hello, Wonderful Family!" And these words send chills down my spine. I have one speech therapist for my kid--one therapist who has become a kind of guru in all areas of life. She urges me to "peel off from the children," now and then, and she also knows when to invoke the law, if the public school is being silly. She surprised me, when talking about teachers; she said, "The departure of Ms. L is just crummy. A teacher should finish the year with the class. But I don't think this is an existential crisis for your child. He has a  new friend.  There is someone new, and she can  play . That's the language I'd use." Full disclosure: Josh really doesn't seem t...

  Marc and I were divided on SVU this week; Marc thought the hour was preposterous, and I thought it was flawed but interesting. A story stands or falls because of its characters. I'd argue SVU gives us two memorable people in its new episode. The first is Zoe, whose life has been stalled because of her husband's sudden death. Zoe decides to cope by entering a BDSM arrangement with a stranger; she blindfolds herself with her dead husband's ties, wears a kind of chain attached to her neck, and gets to work on brainstorming a "safe word." So far, so good! An engaging approach to mourning! The more compelling half of the story is Jenna, who pushes Zoe to date. Jenna complains loudly about her own marriage ("you never hear our bedsprings, do you?"), and then secretly assumes the character of "Klaus," a seductive dom. She also obtains sperm, dips her finger in the jar, then tries to impregnate Zoe. She sees this as a gift! Zoe will carry a baby who ...

  Lily Tomlin made waves with "Nashville"; she earned an Oscar nomination. This was an insane year at the Oscars, with Altman competing against Spielberg ("Jaws") and Forman ('One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest") and Lumet ("Dog Day Afternoon") and Kubrick ("Barry Lyndon").  Tomlin lost, in her category, but it seems she wasn't permanently scarred. An interesting quirk in her career is that, almost every time she takes on a role, she panics and tries to back out. I think this suggests seriousness; Tomlin understands she cannot "phone it in." Recently, Tomlin called a friend, Paul Weitz, with whom she had worked on "Admission." Apparently, Tomlin said, "Paul, you need to write something for Jane Fonda and me." And Tomlin--being Tomlin--then *got* what she wanted. The result is the film "Moving On." I can't say this is a total success. It's the story of two friends--connected by an affil...

  For a year, I've waded through high-school geometry with my student, my theater kid, but neither of us feels fully invested "in the game." There is beauty in geometry; you don't have to try hard to feel moved by transversals and parallel lines, congruent triangles, dilations and reflections. I really like that there are certain rules about shapes--and the rules never change. Vertical angles will always be what they are. If you see a pair today, it's the same pair that existed 2000 years ago. But my theater kid prefers to talk about  Romeo and Juliet --and I think she knows that that's my wheelhouse. "What do you think Romeo really  wants  here?" I ask, and my pulse begins to race. "I think you're saying, kiddo, that Romeo has issues with Tybalt, but his real issues are  internal . He knows he is a mess, but he can't really force himself to change. He is  fortune's fool ." My student gives me an indulgent look and murmurs, ...

 In the galaxy of Taylor Swift characters, one of the great arch-villains is John Mayer: Dear John.... Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home.... I should've known.... It's funny, then, that the most recent canonical Taylor song seems to borrow heavily from Mayer. It's a main feature of Mayer's work to be self-deprecating; Mayer's words are often charming and witty. "Walking like.a one-man army....Fighting with the shadows in your head...." "Take all of your so-called problems...Better put 'em in quotations...." Mayer's major achievement is a dissection of an awkward date: "My stupid mouth got me in trouble...I said too much again....Mama said, THINK BEFORE SPEAKING...No filter in my head....What's a boy to do?" I hear Mayer when I hear Taylor Swift's breezy statement about self-loathing: I have this thing where I get older, but just never wiser. Midnights be...

  "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination,"  by Elizabeth McCracken. This writer is in the news because her recent work, "The Hero of This Book," dazzled many critics and novelists. McCracken is a funny contrarian; she particularly hates when people say they are "humbled" by various awards. "I don't believe you. Do you know what is humbling? Failure. I like failure, because it leads you to crave revenge; I tell all my students to write  for revenge . I'LL SHOW THEM. Revenge is wonderful fuel." "An Exact Replica" tells about McCracken's experience giving birth to a dead baby. I especially like McCracken's honesty; she says she valued people who simply wrote to her. She took comfort in "I'm so sorry" and "I don't know what to say." The villain of the piece is someone who let many months go by in silence, then tried to frame her own apathy as a virtue: "I really wanted to send you p...

  We're trying to upend our feeding habits. We're having sweet potato fries and peeled apples. If you give an apple skin to my older child, he will simply chew it, then spit it or let it dribble down his front; this is big fun for him. I will never be a mindful eater; my preferred routine is to inhale fried foods while half-watching Sondheim clips on YouTube. I'm concerned my daughter is learning my habits. Yesterday, she left her hands at her sides and just lowered her entire face toward a veggie chip, as if she were a "magic claw" from an arcade game. A massive project is to get Josh drinking from a straw; this will open new doors for him, apparently. I'm deeply tired of ordering and reordering the "TalkTools" Honey Bear straw-cup, just to watch Josh hurl it across the room, then to discover that my dog has chewed a hole through the bottom. The feeding specialist says that Josh should simply "spend therapeutic time with the straw"; the st...

 The new-ish Amy Schumer series is flawed; as the Times observes, there is a reliance on pop psychology and a notable sloppiness whenever Schumer has to feign a strong emotion. That said, as usual, Schumer excels when she is poking fun at men: *One character expresses amazement that a new boyfriend "will, like, consistently ask me what I want, and will then  do the thing that I ask for. " *Schumer's character tells Michael Cera to "please do that, but in a side-to-side direction. Great! Exactly that. Wait. Could you.....go back to doing the thing you were doing just now, when I said,  Great, please do exactly that thing-- ?" *Schumer goes with Jonathan Groff to CVS to buy Plan B. Groff whispers, "Here's a cup of water. Why not go ahead and swallow the pill right here?" And Schumer says the silent part out loud: "YOU CAUGHT ME! After five minutes of bad sex, I was ready to fake a Plan B purchase, then carry a pregnancy to term, just to TRAP YOU...

 The great gift of Stephen Schwartz is an ability to invent people with monster-sized, epic desires--people who can fight. A Schwartz hero is unhappy with the world--not just with one academic class, or with one annoying boss--and a Schwartz hero is ready for earth-shaking drama. Of course, Schwartz looks to Eve, from the Old Testament: We think all we want is a lifetime of leisure-- Each perfect day the same. Endless vacation.... Well, that's all right if you're a kind of crustacean-- But when you're born with an imagination-- Sooner or later, you're feeling the fire Get hotter and hotter.... The spark of creation.... And Schwartz basically "repackages" Eve when he writes a story about Oz: I'm through accepting limits-- 'Cause someone says they're so. Some things I cannot change-- But, till I try, I'll never know.... Real talent tends to announce itself early, and Schwartz was around twenty years old (twenty!) when he wrote his first canonical...

 "Daniel Tiger" is utterly useless. It's like watching bad science fiction. The problems the tiger faces are the problems that always confront my three-year-old son. Turn-taking, empathy, transitions, giving thoughtful consideration to diet: These are all intractable issues for Josh. If his sister has a desired toy, the fall-out is almost apocalyptic. Connecting Susie's tears with aggressive brotherly behavior just seems to be beyond Josh, for now. Stopping any activity is out of the question. And, if forced to choose between trying new food and simply dying, Josh could possibly choose death. I've memorized the irritating tunes that are meant to help my son: You can take a turn. And THEN I get it BACK! Saying I'm sorry is the first step. Then: How can I help? Almost time to stop--so choose one more thing to do! Gotta try new food....cuz it might taste GOOOOO-OOOOD! These songs are like taunts, in a foreign language; my child stares at me, coldly, then resumes ...

 My love for "Sweeney Todd" has to do with vengeance. This is a show about settling scores, and the writer has deep ambivalence about the ideas of Hammurabi: To seek revenge may lead to hell-- But everyone does it, and seldom as well... As Sweeney....as Sweeney Todd.... In other words, Sondheim says, "Don't pretend you're *above* the idea of revenge. Sweeney may be a mess, but he certainly commits to his goals...." I think our human desire for revenge is the reason we laugh, uncomfortably, in certain moments of "Sweeney": The history of the world, my sweet... Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat.... It's priest! Have a little priest! Is it any good? Mmm...it's *too* good....at least.... When we lash out, we are really "eating ourselves" -- but who can resist the urge to lash out? Early in the show, Sondheim tells us exactly where he is headed; we may not believe him, but he presents the roadmap, and his sentences are simple, dir...

  Full disclosure: I thought  Everything Everywhere All at Once  was close to unwatchable, and I'm stunned that it received recognition, let alone actual awards. I thought the puzzling, tuneless David Byrne performance on Sunday was an accurate reflection of the movie itself; sitting through that song was something like the experience of sitting through the full film. To each his own. My favorite gown belonged to Angela Bassett, though I have some appreciation for the Hong Chau look, and for Jessica Chastain, and for Ana de Armas. Marc enjoyed the Jennifer Connelly silhouette. Mostly, my family was enchanted by the "short film" offerings: "The Elephant Whisperers," "My Year of Dicks," "The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse." We have some rentals to acquire! Also, I know people were upset that "The Little Mermaid" promoted itself, but my main feeling was: Bring on "The Little Mermaid"! So fun! Halle Bailey was wearing s...

 I went back to see "Hamilton" this weekend -- my first time as a married man and father of children.  One thing that struck me is that Lin-Manuel Miranda isn't consistently interested in Eliza; he seems to try really, really hard, but, in Act Two, you can sometimes feel his pulse slowing to a crawl when he attempts to imagine this character's inner life. (Thus: the puzzling talk about "removing myself from the narrative," "putting myself back in the narrative." Who uses language in this way? If Miranda could try another draft, he might find more moments for Eliza that move beyond "tedious saint" writing.) I did think of Ann Leary's remarks on "Breaking Bad": "Vince Gilligan doesn't always know what to do with Skyler, so he just has her constantly applying hand cream. Again and again, the camera moves to Skyler, and we see her reaching for her jar of hand cream....") This isn't to say I lack love for "...

  Many--if not most--of the great American picture-book writers have been gay men. James Marshall, Arnold Lobel, Maurice Sendak, Tomie dePaola, Remy Charlip, Harry Allard, Christian Robinson: This is a starry lineup. Howard Ashman did not write picture books, but his iconic creations did *spawn* picture books. To the list, I'd add Ian Falconer. Of course the book is "Olivia." Falconer wrote it for his niece. It's not didactic; it doesn't have any morals. It's about a little pig who sometimes finds her baby brother irritating, so "she must be firm." A substantial part of her day is just moving the family cat out of her path--then moving the cat again. Olivia has visual intelligence; she designs sand castles and admires Degas. Jackson Pollock inspires her--so she defaces her house with crayons.  When Olivia dresses, she must consider and discard each and every piece of clothing within a five-mile radius; it's only after a serious internal debate th...

 Among all Boynton books, "But Not the Armadillo" is especially moving to me. The opening is a kind of a boast: Behold the armadillo, with his armadillo nose; That nose can take him anywhere. He follows where it goes. From here, Boynton proves that the word "nose" really is a fine vehicle; it rhymes with other interesting words. Now for armadillo jumps on armadillo toes! Again he strolls along the road, and meets someone he knows. While still intrigued by the five senses, Boynton makes a subtle shift: From far away, a song delights his armadillo ears. He walks and walks and walks and walks--and finds the song he hears. Many writers spend a fair amount of the day walking; this is what it means to be a "flaneur." Part of me thinks that the unhurried, observant armadillo is a kind of autobiographical sketch; Boynton is teaching us about herself. (I have no evidence for this.) In my house, we read this strange, surprising book at least once per day.

  My child's teacher began the year with a wonderful introductory sentence: "I am not perfect." I thought this was so shrewd. It seemed to suggest that the teacher had a savvy relationship with herself. She knew herself. She wasn't going to self-destruct. The school is sort of sealed-off from parents, so Marc and I have made some educated guesses about the curriculum. I know that my son Joshua has spent a portion of the year "playing restaurant." Specifically, he wore a paper chef's hat, and he worked at a staged "faux" version of McDonald's. I'm pretty sure of this, because the hat and the golden arches came home in J's backpack--and also, J goes around demanding "apple cake." I believe that this is a reference to the iconic Mickey Dee version of "apple pie." I know--also--that someone has taught "Frere Jacques" to my son. I know this because he now walks around singing, "Baby sister, baby sister:...

  Halle Berry was an overachiever in childhood. Also, she was biracial, but her mother observed that America would not take an interest in her multiple identities. Mom said, simply, "America will see you as Black, and that's that." Berry had a prim and proper image, but a collaboration with Spike Lee showed that she could shed that image. The Spike Lee work became crucial, later, when Berry was lobbying for a role in "Monster's Ball." Additionally, Berry made a shrewd move to focus on Dorothy Dandridge--someone who was once used and misused by the entertainment world. The official story is that Dandridge died of an accidental overdose, but Berry wonders if "accidental" is a false label. The year of "Monster's Ball," many people expected Sissy Spacek to take home Best Actress--for her work in a Todd Field film, "In the Bedroom." (Curiously, this year, we have another Todd Field situation: Cate Blanchett vs. Michelle Yeoh.) Af...

 "Creed III" is getting attention because it is a bit more complicated than previous Rocky movies. Generally, you know which person you're supporting. But, in "Creed III," the "villain" has an understandable grievance against our hero--and so the moral skies get cloudy. A "Creed III" flashback shows us our two stars in a group home. They take a trip to a bodega. A local bully taunts Adonis Creed--and Creed snaps and begins assaulting the bully. Creed's frenemy, Dame, appears, and Dame pulls a gun on the bully. Creed runs away; Dame goes to jail. Creed doesn't contact Dame, year after year after year. In 2023, Dame is released from jail, and he is seething with rage. He doesn't reveal this to Adonis. The way the rage "leaks out" makes for an interesting Second Act (and Jonathan Majors is so talented, he seems to be a real person in any scene, even when the writing creates some heavy lifting). Michael B. Jordan's direc...

 Our egg donor died. She was in traffic, and she took a left turn, and a truck crashed into her.  We had met her only once, via Zoom. She was a graduate student, working on sea turtles; my husband and I are obsessed with the animal kingdom, so we liked the turtle angle. In the middle of the Zoom call, E-- produced a "sea turtle head," like a Wisconsin cheese head, and she wore it for several minutes. It was sad, and strange, to find out via Google that the car accident had occurred. I can't say I'm in mourning for E--, because I didn't know her. But there was one version of the future in which my kids would hang out with E-- and we'd all learn about each other--and that version of the future doesn't exist anymore. It's important to me to be a straight-shooter with the kids, so I simply told them that this one particular person had died. Afterward, my husband said, "I'm not sure Susie knows what death means." A fair point, and I'd jus...

  A tentpole number might happen midway through the First Act; it's when the writers want to move beyond exposition and assault you with lightning. One of the standout examples, right now, is "Better," from "Kimberly Akimbo": I met a nice guy at the dog track. He was young; he was Greek. He was possibly gay. He needed a green card; I needed the cash. We got married in Passaic last May. We have this wonderful Greek man betting on hounds; he marries for legal reasons, and then he is (possibly) murdered. An entire episode of SVU--boiled down to a stanza. I met a lady with dementia. She was old; she was sweet. She was legally blind. She needed a roommate; I needed the room. I was outta work; she was outta her mind. A second great character--who is perhaps not as addled as she seems. The elderly woman designs a situation that works for her. The "rule of threes" says that we need a third excellent story in the song, and this takes the form of a parable: When...

 Everyone has a thought about diaper rash. The doctor likes Desitin mixed with Cortisone. Nurse Steffi thinks Desitin is whack; she thinks it's the Emperor's New Clothes. She swears by Lotrimin-mixed-with-cornstarch. The Internet says cornstarch can damage your child. But what about a mix of Desitin-Lotrimin-Neosporin? When I see neighbors, we just list ailments; verbs have dropped out of the conversation. "Hey. Pinkeye." "Aha. Strep over here." "Two ear infections, and then all the tummy stuff from the amoxicillin." Meanwhile, my doctor wants me to get new Hep B shots--because I was (perhaps) immunocompromised in infancy--and now, any day, I might find myself accidentally shtupping a guy with Hep B. Or my husband could be in a kind of secret Hep B sex ring--and I know nothing about it--and then the innocent bystander becomes collateral damage. (Actually, all of this is sort of exciting to me, and it makes me think about Tyler Perry movies.) On a p...

 I love the show "Catastrophe" because it knows a secret about marriage, i.e.  Marriage is fascinating.  As one writer observed, "In many TV shows, the husband looks like Rush Limbaugh, and the wife looks like Gwyneth Paltrow, and there are jokes about football and beer. And that's all. But that's not what marriage is." Viewers have described watching "Catastrophe" with a spouse: "I get the side-eye at least six times per episode." One moment that strikes a chord for me is Sharon complaining about Rob's toilet behavior: "You're spending too much time on that seat. Something is going to crawl up inside your hole. Or something crucial is going to fall out." When Rob and Sharon are in sync, the writing becomes weirdly poetic. After a brutal day, Rob says, "Sharon, why don't you head home and we'll watch some  Better Call Sauls  and I'll brush your hair." This is something more special than Paris or Ven...

  * "Mercy Street," by Jennifer Haigh . A campus novel is any novel that has people coming out of broader society and meeting socially, over and over, in a small, quirky, non-domestic sphere. Haigh's brilliant idea is to set her new campus novel at an abortion clinic. A counselor, Claudia, observes girls with enviable socioeconomic profiles; also, she observes girls who don't have a prayer. To relieve stress, she visits her drug dealer, who happens to serve (additionally) an anti-choice activist (an activist familiar to Claudia). I couldn't predict where all this was headed, and I enjoyed "being in Claudia's mind." * Sandra Boynton: Boxed Best Sellers . Here is how one book begins: "Behold the armadillo, with his armadillo nose." I think that's not to be surpassed. * "Oscar Wars," by Michael Schulman . It's not clear to me that anyone needs or wants 500 pages on the Academy Awards. (I know this book has blurbs, but good wr...