Two Dads and a Donor

Our egg donor died. She was in traffic, and she took a left turn, and a truck crashed into her.

We had met her only once, via Zoom. She was a graduate student, working on sea turtles; my husband and I are obsessed with the animal kingdom, so we liked the turtle angle. In the middle of the Zoom call, E-- produced a "sea turtle head," like a Wisconsin cheese head, and she wore it for several minutes.

It was sad, and strange, to find out via Google that the car accident had occurred. I can't say I'm in mourning for E--, because I didn't know her. But there was one version of the future in which my kids would hang out with E-- and we'd all learn about each other--and that version of the future doesn't exist anymore.

It's important to me to be a straight-shooter with the kids, so I simply told them that this one particular person had died. Afterward, my husband said, "I'm not sure Susie knows what death means."

A fair point, and I'd just say this. Don't look to the musical "Les Miserables" for any "real talk" about death. One reason that show irritates me is that every discussion of death becomes sort of goopy and celestial. "Read it well, when I at last am sleeping." "Please stay till I am sleeping." "I will stay with you until you are sleeping, and rain will make the flowers grow." What the fuck are these people talking about?

I think a better discussion of death happens in "Kimberly Akimbo":

We're on a great adventure.

You never know--and nor do I--

When we will have to say goodbye--

So just enjoy the time.

Because no one gets a second time--

No one gets a second time--

No one gets a second time around.

That's what I would say to Susie. E-- paid her way through school; presumably, she saved egg-donor money to fund her education. She used her time to work not just with turtles, but also with gibbons, orangutans, and bees. She traveled the world. I remember, once, we had "timeline" issues, because of her trip to Honduras, and her possible encounter with "the Zika virus."

That's my tribute to a person who remains mysterious to me. I'm grateful.

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