Liars and Saints

  I am delighted for my husband's friend--Gabriel Arana--who has a wonderful personal essay in "The American Prospect." The essay isn't new--it's around ten years old--but Marc just made me aware of it. Perfect title, perfect opening, perfect conclusion. It's a demonstration of the power of "voice." From the first sentence onward, Arana is blunt and charming. It's easy to follow him anywhere he wants to go. I haven’t been home for Christmas in ten years. The excuse I always gave was that the holidays stress me out, which isn’t untrue. I can’t stand to watch once the local news station starts its seasonal coverage. You know the hard-hitting journalism I’m talking about: brave reporters staked out at Wal-Mart before it opens at 6 a.m. on Black Friday; with a frumpy Jane Doe browsing Amazon.com on Cyber Monday; and, around now, live on the scene at the airport giving updates about the bad weather, long lines, and flight delays. Just thinking about s...

My idea of the ideal haircut is "Helen Mirren hair." I realize that today's youth may not look to an octogenarian British actress for hair guidance--but that doesn't mean I need to be happy about the realization. Inspector Jane Tennison of "Prime Suspect" is flawed, but she is certainly not an insubstantial human being. She makes use of her time. I'll bet she does not worry about lice; she has a short, striking bob, and so I suspect that the lice leave her alone. Also, I think that the unfussy hair improves her agility; she can take down criminals because she is not tripping over her own flowing locks. It seems to me that 2026 Demi Moore--for example--would have a harder time saving the world. She would have a harder time because of all that hair. I have to allow my daughter to make her own hair choices--because the alternative would be insufferable. But it is so exhausting to bear witness. Susie wants the Demi Moore style, but she doesn't want to do...

  In some ways, "Primate" is a missed opportunity. The setup is so great. A family of idiots in Hawaii keeps a pet chimp. The chimp gets Rabies-via-mongoose--then goes on a killing spree. This could be a chance for intriguing character development. Trapped in a swimming pool, the humans could have a kind of popularity contest. Who should brave the proximity of the chimp in order to retrieve a cell phone from the house? (The chimp won't enter the pool, so the pool is a type of panic room.) Secrets could be revealed; bargains could be attempted. This could be like the final episode of "Succession"; I had issues with that hour, but I loved when Shiv dragged out the memory of a certain corpse to discredit her own brother. Unfortunately, "Primate" has almost no interest in its humans. The main star is the chimp, Ben. He demonstrates creativity by inserting two fingers into a human mouth--then detaching half the face from the rest of the body. He terrorizes ...

  I enjoy stories about schemes--stories where people deliberately play roles to win prizes (prizes that apparently could not be achieved through honest work).  This is a big part of why I'm so fond of the TV series "The Outs," which repeatedly has its lead characters attempting little performances. Oona conscripts her gay bestie to play the role of "boyfriend"--to make an old ex jealous. Mitchell has an ex pretend to be a *current* boyfriend--because Mitchell needs to seem like a "relationship expert" for a specific audience. Inevitably, the schemes fall apart. The Broadway version of "The Outs" is "Hello, Dolly!" Dolly Levi doesn't want her client Horace to court a young woman named Irene--so Dolly mentions (falsely) that Irene's first husband "may not have died of natural causes." Later, to lure Horace to the Harmonia Gardens, Dolly (falsely) promises a fabulous date. When the date implodes, Dolly moves in for t...

  To me, it's strange for a survey of one artist's work to be emotionally overwhelming--but the Renoir show at the Morgan is moving in the way that a good film is moving. You see approximately fifty years of one person's work. As Renoir ages, his arthritis makes his career difficult. But he doesn't give up; he starts using red chalk, which is apparently easier for his hands. Then he moves into sculpture--he collaborates. The collaboration lets him keep an eye on his health. It would be impossible to give up. I have been interested in Renoir since taking a trip to Paris when my son was very little. Staring at Renoir's many images of his own children, I understood that the artist was mainly compelled by the idea of different kinds of flesh. He wanted to show how the light hits a child's cheek--and how it hits a mother's cheek. The light behaves in different ways in different contexts. That one apparently small observation can be the "reason" for maki...

 There is a divide within my family, and the source is Taylor Swift. I think the new album is a stunning failure--utterly uninspired. I think a high-school student might feel embarrassed to submit a sophomore poetry assignment with the following lines: It's about to be the sleepless night you've been dreaming of! And: Don't care where the hell you've been cuz now you're mine! And:  Daisy's bare naked, I was distraught. He loves me not, he loves me not. The final clunker asks us to believe that "distraught/not" is a persuasive rhyme. It also uses a cliche. It also uses a cliche that Taylor herself has employed before . ("I picked the petals, he loves me not.") My husband feels more enthusiasm for this enterprise. Though he has an overall "thumbs down" response, he does enjoy quoting from "Wood." ("Sounds like Travis has a magic wand!") My niece just likes the album. She plays it quite a bit. She isn't discount...

 For a long while, Val McDermid's bread-and-buttter was the world of serial killer stories. McDermid's Tony Hill series often featured a killer on the loose; there was a ticking clock; yadda yadda yadda. At a certain point, McDermid began to pursue a different kind of story, the cold-case story. This was through her Karen Pirie series. Cold-case narratives are a nice way of steering around one problem of a serial killer narrative. Serial killers can become dull and repetitive; I began to sense this in the Tony Hill stories. Is it conceivable that there are *not* inexhaustible options for making a crazed "spree killer" seem interesting? With a cold case, it's possible that someone committed one terrible crime--then chose to "self-correct." But failing to acknowledge the crime is a kind of societal disease. It's a disease because victims of the crime may still be trying to live their lives; they have "ingested" the idea that someone can terro...

  The other day, I was in New York at the Angelika--which now has assigned seating. I wasn't late--I think I arrived thirty seconds after the start of the first preview--and yet a human refused to stand up for me.  This was inarguably rude. The person was blocking my passage to my assigned seat--it was her task to "make way." She was not incapable of standing; I know this as a fact. So what was going on? Was she simply lazy? Had she just lived through a bad day? Did she feel that her intransigence was a just punishment for my disruption of the first preview? Was this merely thoughtlessness? I'll never know. It helps to watch "The Outs," which, in my favorite scene, nicely dramatizes the problem of uncertainty. Jack and Mitchell recall a particular threesome. "We invited a third to our apartment and we were--you know--doing things." "We were having gay sex--it's what we tend to do." "We were ten minutes in--and the guy stands up a...

 One spot that really tests my commitment to the "let them" theory is my daughter's school. My husband is generally magnanimous, and he loves my daughter's teacher. But I am not magnanimous, and I don't share the love. Specifically, I do not feel love when the teacher discloses a favored refrain she uses with Susie: "If you continue to chew on the sleeve of your shirt, you may unleash toxins within the fabric, and the 'unleashing' could damage your brain." (Oddly enough, this deranged observation does nothing to change my daughter's behavior.) Also, I do not love the teacher when she worries aloud that my child isn't mastering the phonics rules quickly enough. "That's because she thinks they're boring," I explain. "I had the same issue--and things worked out fine." The teacher won't accept this. "Figure out how to get those letter sounds in her head," she says. "Or she will be diagnosed with ...

  "The Plague" introduces three memorable characters (children)--Eli, Jake, and Ben. Eli is possibly on the spectrum; his interests are somewhat unusual. He enjoys cutting himself, saving the blood, and using the blood stash to simulate major freakish accidents (sometimes with an audience). He is unpopular at dances, so he chooses to dance with a cardboard cutout of Betty Boop. He seems happiest when he is speaking in the voice of Gollum from "Lord of the Rings." (This is 2003.) Jake is a bully; he is possibly a psychopath. No one at home is behind the steering wheel; Mom is dead, and Dad "manages" Jake by extending his summer-camp stay long beyond the length of time that is considered normal. Jake spies on other boys, then uses his new information for leverage. When Eli has a "public" erection, Jake encourages name-calling and taunting. Ben is torn between Jake and Eli; he wants to spend time with Eli, but he is understandably exasperated by som...

  One thing I like very much in "The Outs" is a climactic battle between the two central characters, Oona and Mitchell. As a viewer in his middle aged years, I still strongly relate to both of these people. Oona has residual anger because Mitchell's former boyfriend sabotaged Oona's relationship. This isn't Mitchell's fault--but, also, Mitchell has dragged the former boyfriend back into Oona's life. (At an Oona-sponsored party, Michell called his ex to assist in the search for a missing shoe. Drunkenly, Mitchell said, "I just think that other shoe is so lonely.....so alone....right now....") At the same time, Mitchell is furious with Oona. Having been laid off, Mitchell wants to talk about his work woes. But Oona can't listen; she is more concerned with her dating issues, since she is with a guy who is "not mean enough" during sex. Oona has also forgotten Mitchell's birthday. The screaming ends with an oddly lyrical exchange. ...

 Here's how I understand the "meta" casting of Gwyneth Paltrow in "Marty Supreme." Paltrow is a tough cookie. She endured Harvey Weinstein's harassment, and, when the ugliness of Hollywood became intolerable, she invented her own high-profile career away from the movie cameras. Yes, Paltrow is a child of privilege, and she sometimes makes dumb remarks. But she is also a fighter. That's the subtextual story in "Marty Supreme." Paltrow's Kay Stone sort of likes Marty Mauser--sort of but not really. Marty's true value is as a pawn in a psychosexual war between Kay and her husband. Kay can use Marty--his phone calls, his aggressive "restaurant behavior"--to make her husband uncomfortable. Marty misreads Kay's behavior; he thinks his best option with Kay is to feign "emotional authenticity." But Kay sees through this. She likes Marty as his actual self, a scrappy egomaniacal schemer. "Marty," she says, ...

 A main tradition for my family is to visit Christmas houses; we have two or three.  As we drive, we listen to and debate the merits of seasonal albums; Mariah Carey ranks in the top tier for everyone, but yours truly has a controversially high level of tolerance for Kristin Chenoweth. My husband thinks the obscure retro tunes--"Christmas Island," "Christmas Waltz"--are grating and/or tedious. I can't agree.  May all your dreams come true.... Well, this song of mine-- In three-quarter time-- Wishes you and yours... The same thing, too.... I have no issue with the "meta" reference to three-quarter time, but my spouse feels that the writer is treading water with nonsense syllables. The great thing about a Christmas house is that you do not need to wait in line, pay admission, or sit through previews. Also, the houses are not market-tested--each is a strange, wonderful expression of an idiosyncratic point of view. I feel this especially when I visit the ...