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Joshua's Poop

My husband and I were told to encourage Joshua when he poops. So, like the dog owners we (also) are, we'll often say, "Good boy! We're so proud!"

I have to say I'm surprised by the poop. It's like a hundred little pellets. Sometimes, it makes me think of the freeze-dried ice cream that became popular in the late nineties, "Dippin' Dots."

My husband disagrees. He says it's like colorful liquid. Maybe I don't look too closely.

In the hospital, right after the birth, the nurse will warn you that the first poop will be like tar. This has a special scientific name. On occasion, the baby can poop mid-delivery, and so it will seem as if the baby is coated in tar. (We avoided this fate.)

A big surprise has been that the poop can occur mid-meal; it will happen without self-consciousness. The baby won't even seem to acknowledge what is happening. And, on a special night, you might be changing the diaper, and a new pee will occur while the old diaper is still half-attached to the waist.

The diapers have little sticky straps, and while you're wrestling with the straps, it's advised that you should cover the baby's penis with a "water wipe." This is so any ensuing pee will be trapped. I became overly confident, recently, and removed the water wipe too early, and of course that's when the new pee began.

I think, if men were genetically capable of giving birth to children, all of this would be common knowledge. Because men would complain, and complain, and complain. And because men seem to have a firm grip on what gets published, what becomes a broadcast, etc.

But: We're in a MeToo era. Perhaps things will change. Perhaps the truth about poop, and pee, will become more widely known.

And this is how I now spend my days. This is my new suburban life.

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