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Terrible-Movie January

As everyone knows, January is where movies go to die. If you're a Hollywood movie with a January release date, then someone powerful really has very, very little faith in you.

That said, the contrarian in me always welcomes January, as a break from all the leaden Oscar-courting films of the fall. No longer do I need to say, disingenuously and halfheartedly: "I almost didn't mind the four-hour length because Joe Pesci was so intriguing!" Or: "Sure, it's two old men talking for the entirety of the movie, but Anthony Hopkins is so subtle!" 

A big, wacky failure can be more entertaining than a careful, buttoned-up "King's Speech"-esque outing. And so I'm particularly drawn to:

*"Underwater." This is Kristen Stewart battling aliens, like Sigourney Weaver in "Aliens," but everything happens underwater!

*"Like a Boss." This alluring film smashed the Bechdel test--the director is Miguel Arteta, who gave us portions of "Enlightened," along with "Beatriz at Dinner"--and basically everyone in the world wants to spend time with Tiffany Haddish, Rose Byrne, Salma Hayek, and Jennifer Coolidge. The plot? Hijinks in the cosmetics industry? Or something. Who cares? I might really pay money to see this movie.

*"Dolittle." Robert Downey, Jr. is insufferable and incapable of inventing a character--at this point in his career--but, here, he talks to animals, and the animals talk back. Talking animals! This sort of movie--and I'm thinking of the various "Jungle Book" retreads, as well--provides a rare opportunity to hear Oscar-caliber talent in the dead winter months. That's because the Oscar winner in question doesn't really have to work very hard; she just appears in a little booth and says her lines, and then they get pumped into CGI-enhanced footage involving, say, a garrulous cheetah, or a chatty lizard. So, for "Dolittle," the cast involves Octavia Spencer, Emma Thompson, Rami Malek, and Ralph Fiennes. Yes! Ralph Fiennes! As Barry, "the ferocious tiger" --!

Enjoy your movies.....
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