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On Jerry Seinfeld

 I borrowed Jerry Seinfeld's new book from the library; I haven't been reading cover to cover but just skipping around and loving it.

The book gathers up tiny comedy bits Seinfeld has written over many years. The bits are almost like poems; no word is wasted, and there is often a startling swerve right before the ending. The way this guy lands endings is something wondrous to behold.

Like his colleague Larry David, Seinfeld is a schlemiel--a guy who makes us aware of life's absurdities by continuously saying and doing "the wrong thing." If you invite Larry David to see your new apartment, he might say: "Let me guess...Bathroom? Kitchen? I think I'll pass."

In that spirit, here's a Seinfeld piece I admire, "Baby Visit." Note the really breathtaking conclusion:

My friend just had a baby.

Lot of pressure to see this baby.

"You have got to see this baby.

When are you coming over to see the baby?

See the baby. See the baby."

Nobody ever wants you to come over and see their grandfather.

"You gotta see him. He's soooo cute. A hundred and sixty-eight pounds, four ounces.

I love when they're this age.

He's a thousand months.

He went to the bathroom by himself today."

Just once I would like to meet a couple that goes,

"You know, we're not that happy with the baby, I think we really made a big mistake. We should've gotten an aquarium."

Those baby visits can get a little boring.

You have to yawn.

I don't think there's anything wrong with yawning.

I hate when people try not to yawn.

Teeth clenched, their cheeks start vibrating, trying to keep their mouth closed.

It's like watching someone get electrocuted.....
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