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On Ear Wax

 Something made me furious this year. It was the announcement that approximately "ten percent" of people receiving the COVID vaccine would experience side effects.


I'm all for the COVID vaccine. It has changed my life. I would urge everyone to get it. (A great thing, if you're a new parent, is that the trip to the COVID shot booth requires a lengthy solo drive, which means you can listen to the radio, e.g. an interview with Bill de Blasio about shady recycling practices, and no one will be crying in the back seat. This is like a tropical beach vacation.)

But: only "ten percent" of cases involve side effects? Literally everyone I've talked to experienced side effects from the COVID vaccine. Everyone. The one exception I can think of is a Tweet from Stephen King's son, the horror novelist Joe Hill. (I don't know Joe Hill.) On Twitter, Joe Hill maintains that he felt nothing after the COVID vaccine.

I write all this because I had an exasperating experience, recently, with ear wax. Stay with me. Long ago, I abandoned Q tips, because so many hushed doctor-voices said that Q tips could destroy you. Q tips could ruin your life! Ear wax is a wonderful thing! I thus allowed ear wax to build up, and build up, and build up--until, recently, I lost my hearing in both ears.

The online world has some ideas and warnings about this phenomenon. Use oil drops. Use an irrigation system. Flood your ears with soapy shower-water. Everyone says: Don't use a Q tip. If you use a Q tip at this point, you may just "behead" your wax plug, driving the gross wax "body" deeper into your ear canal, making your problem worse.

Nothing I tried seemed to work--literally for weeks. I avoided the ENT because recently, each time I've had a medical issue, I've found myself waiting long past the appointment time to speak to a professional, and there is never even a half-hearted excuse or explanation. I know people are people, and life gets busy, but not one sentence to signal "I realize you, too, are a human with a schedule"--? This drives me insane. It takes me to Peak-Larry-David levels of insanity. (Also, at my core, I just couldn't accept that ear wax would require a trip to a doctor.)

Eventually, somehow, the problem resolved itself. And here's what I learned. Q tips are not the devil. If you don't maul yourself--in Hannah Horvath style--then you're absolutely entitled to stick a Q tip in your ear, after a shower, now and then, so that a plug can't form. (Once the plug is there, you're out of luck and might just need to wait several weeks, as I did.)

Act, don't react. If you see something, say something. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

And when someone tells you that only ten percent of people experienced side effects from the COVID vaccine, ask for citations. Otherwise: I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

I need to go make a date with my Q tip.
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