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Mommy Group

 One funny moment in "Neighbors" has Rose Byrne coping with new-parenthood boredom. "I guess we'll go by the shops," she says to her infant, "then we'll stop by Mommy Group, to see what all those bitches are up to...."


I've avoided Mommy Group--mostly--but, this past Saturday, I wandered into a "de facto" group. Oddly, my neighbors all have two-year-olds, and they were all gathered by one particular garage--for a drink.

In some ways, the Mommy Group was helpful. My neighbors and I commisserated about unsolicited advice. My favorite neighbor revealed that her mother has a Trumpian way of slipping unwanted feedback into a chat: "They say that little girls should never wear nail polish....for health reasons...." My neighbor's standard response is to rip out chunks of her own hair while screaming: "WHO???? Who are THEY??????"

On the other hand, I can see how a Mommy Group isn't ideal. The topic shifted to potty-training, and when it emerged that I hadn't even attempted this with Josh, the other moms tripped all over themselves to assure me that there was *absolutely nothing wrong* with my delay. "You do you!!!" The moms then told me about a weekend when your child runs around without pants? And about the hills and valleys of potty-use maturation? "You think you've nailed it, and then your kid wanders over and murmurs something, and you catch a weird smell coming from the pull-up garment...."

Quickly, all this became wearying. I excused myself and retreated to my den.

I might someday try more social-time , or I might just spend the next twenty years alone in my living room, with my David Fincher movies. We’ll see. Stay tuned…..
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