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Joining the PTA

 My main halting attempt to reenter the world is through the PTA at my child's school. This group is moms--it's literally all moms; hello, 2022--and the moms make me think of "The Ladies Who Lunch."


Here's to the girls who play wife--
Aren't they too much?
Keeping house and clutching a copy of LIFE--
Just to stay in touch.
The ones who follow the rules....
And meet themselves at the schools....
Too busy to know that they're fools....

This is not the sort of mom I want to be. One person decides it would be great to compile "thank you" video tributes to the underpaid teachers, for the holidays, and everyone hops on the wagon. (No one asks: "What if my child is deeply anxious and non-verbal?") A few video submissions trickle in, and it becomes obvious that no mom has the know-how to put the videos together into a kind of seamless uber-video, and this problem becomes a topic of twenty to thirty additional emails. Many of these emails are a variation on one theme: "Thank you so much!" Or: "THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

I think of myself as the femme fatale within this group. I am a "Class Captain" for a particularly unmotivated set of parents--and the number of videos I've received is zero. When asked to provide updates, I do not apologize, and I do not use exclamation points. I write: "I've received zero videos." A few days later, I write this sentence again.

I'm not sure if I'll be stripped of my title, and I do sometimes think I should be out cheering for my neighborhood Pre-K (and not at home, reading "Judgment Ridge: The True Story of the Slayings at Dartmouth College").

But life is about ambivalence: I'm trying to accept this, more and more.

Pardon me, now, because Winter Spirit Week is coming. I need to prepare. Monday: Blue and White Day. Tuesday: Choose a Funky Hat. Wednesday: Ugly Holiday Sweaters!!!

I might roll my eyes--but only in private--and at least I'll get this one assignment right.
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