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Dad Diary

 "Cocomelon" makes one crucial error; the writers get lazy about the potty.


When you have that funny feeling way down low...
Stop what you're doing and go, go, go!

Any reasonable child might ask, "Go? What does this mean?"

That's why my spouse and I were happy to find "Tom's Toilet Triumph," a shocking animated film from the semi-recent past. Someone loved this story enough to play it on a TV screen and film the screen, then post the grainy footage on YouTube.

Tom is a British boy who struggles with the potty, although he looks like he is thirty years old. First, he renounces his diapers; next, he identifies a squirmy feeling as an urge to pee. The meticulous narrator explains that he can pee on his bottom or standing up--and we all see the pee spilling into the translucent toilet. Later, Tom murmurs, "My bum might explode." This is his cue to poop; the narrator observes that poop can be trickier than pee. "It may take a while; you should try to relax." A lengthy interlude follows; turds splash into the bowl, and disembodied voices offer comments on paper-usage and the importance of washing one's hands.

My daughter watches calmly and shouts, "I LIKE it! I LIKE it!" Then she drops Scrabble tiles into her potty, claps her hands, and loses interest in the subject. By contrast, my son grows frustrated when the toilet movie begins. A minute passes, and his mood shifts; he is sober and fascinated, even if I don't see "delight" on his face. It's like he is watching an especially momentous and disturbing "Trump" speech, from 2020.

I try to be a role model, but the poop makes me giggle; my sides hurt, and I have to wipe tears from my eyes. Then we all go to bed.
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