The Musical I Hate

Recently, an online poll asked: "What is the beloved musical that you secretly dislike?"

My answer is "Les Miserables," the show that dares to rhyme "virgin" with "urgin'" ....

"Les Miserables" is the insane, bloated story of a good man who tries to escape from a psychopath. The psychopath, Javert, wants his enemy to return to jail, and I assume this is because of intense, repressed homosexual lust (although the lust remains subtextual, in a show where almost nothing counts as subtext).

One day, the good guy has an opportunity to kill the psychopath, but the good guy loves Christ, so he chooses forgiveness. But this act of mercy is overwhelming for Javert, who then opts (delightfully) to murder himself in the Seine. That's basically the entire story.

Here are a few things I hate in this show:

*"I'll see him safe behind bars! This I swear by....the stars!"

*Jean Valjean withholds basic details of Cosette's life for years--despite protestations--then finally relents on his deathbed. He scribbles his big confession on paper. Then he has the temerity to say: "Read it well!" Is there any chance that Cosette would NOT read it "well"? i.e. she would skim her life story, in haste, before dashing out for a baguette?

*"Rain will make the flowers grow!" OMG.

I enjoy the spectacle of Broadway, so I'll almost always say yes to a ticket, even if it's a show I dislike. But with "Les Miz" ....I might think....think long and hard. I invite you to disagree with me now.

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