On Mental Health

 The other day, I researched the "Let Them" theory; I had been deeply irritated by a random event in NYC, and I thought some self-help might be useful.

Here's what happened. I was standing on the edge--not in the middle--of a New York sidewalk with my husband. This was a crowded area near Times Square. A mentally ill person made a beeline for the exact spot where I was standing. "Move it," he said in a breathtaking way. It really was breathtaking. He added, "You know how to use your legs, idiot. You can do it. You can walk."

Here is some context. It's stressful to be in Times Square. It's a sensory assault; it is among my least favorite spots on the planet. There is a great deal to loathe. The swerving bicycles are at the top of my list. If I'm in a car, I tend to close my eyes, because the random bodies throwing themselves in front of the windshield make me slightly ill. Finally, I become catatonic when I observe bad behavior in long lines; line-cutting is a tic that makes my skin crawl; I become a sputtering geyser of rage.

The "Let Them" theory suggests that your controlling behavior is a (futile) response to anxiety. When you become an avenging angel, it's not because you expect to reform the rude person in your midst, but because your own inner disarray is such that you feel you must--you must--"act out." Nothing good comes of your frantically "corrective" behavior. A different--saner--option would be to make a cool observation: "That person is being inexplicably rude, and I'm going to allow the rudeness to happen. I'm going to detach from the scene."

I have my doubts. With the stranger on the sidewalk, I couldn't help but say, "We're not walking. We're standing, asshole." My husband added, "Fuck you!"

But I will say--in the ensuing minutes, when I might have gone into an anxiety spiral--the "Let Them" theory was sort of helpful to me. I could basically talk to myself in a calm voice. "That person was deranged, and I don't understand why. And I don't really have to understand why."

Baby steps.