"Clarity is kindness," says the family counselor. She is pointing her remark at me, because she understands that many of my interactions resemble a labyrinth of misdirection and mystery.
"If your child is getting aggressive, you could say, Stop. I don't like that." (As opposed to..."What on Earth?" "Why?" Or: "COME ON. Are you serious?")
I love words--and I'm trying. Yesterday, at the diner, my home fries did not appear. The check surfaced; clearly, the home fries weren't happening. My first thought was to use a tone with a kind of subtextually disingenuous "top spin": I could say, "The home fries....they're not here...I'm guessing someone in the kitchen is still working on this....or.....?"
Instead, I had a small triumph. "Home fries. They were supposed to show up. But they didn't show up."
The family counselor says that this kind of small tweak is an example of "stepping into one's power." And I try not to roll my eyes.
But I'll say something for the family counselor. My "home fries" exchange did *not* involve an exhausting dance of "missed connections." That watier knew exactly what I meant.
Baby steps.
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