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Gay Life

 In our house, we gathered to watch Jeff Hiller's Emmy acceptance speech. 


Predictably, my husband was moved by the emotional highs, while I looked for subtext. Why didn't the camera show Bridget Everett when she was mentioned? Since Hiller was clearly the co-lead in his series, and not a supporting player, was the "category fraud" a byproduct of homophobia?

But--okay--I was also just happy, too. As I think about Hiller's win, I remember a mysterious scene in the third season, in which the character Joel just bursts into tears. The tears may be a response to a difficult situation--Joel's spouse-to-be does not want to have kids--but this reading seems a bit too simple. I think the tears are about growing pains. Joel can be pleased by his various "life renovations"--but also overwhelmed. The sense of sadness can't be "mapped onto" just one part of Joel's experience. Sometimes, people just burst into tears. And life goes on.

Also, I was so moved by Joel's fraught connection to religion. In Season One, Joel establishes a raunchy carabert at his church. Being able to sing about dicks--in a "godly" space--is profoundly "healing" for Joel. When the run of his cabaret is abruptly terminated, he is devastated. "Trying on" a new religious experience is not a simple matter. Joining his spouse at a very buttoned-up church is clearly sort of deadening for Joel. When he finally speaks out, it's difficult not to pump a fist in (sympathetic) triumph.

The cliche says that a character--not a performance--tends to win an award. I think the look on Bowen Yang's face--at the Emmys--is important. Jeff Hiller's win is noteworthy because his character pushes the envelope. The story of Joel shows aspects of a gay life that are generally not explored on TV. Joel is not outrageous, not excessively bullied, not struggling with extravagant mental-health issues. He is just a person trying to steer himself through one year after the next after the next.

So Hiller's victory matters. Certainly it's a win for my family.
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