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A Year in Preschool

The poop issue ended--but not without a fight.


Nurse Steffi called. "You really can't send your child to school when his diaper trend is like this," she said. "The poop spilled over the rim onto the carpet, and now we have to buy a new carpet."

My id wanted to respond: "Cry me a river. This is why I pay taxes."

No need to say anything, however, because Nurse Steffi was still talking. "The paraprofessionals are knocking on my door, complaining about the poop. They're even taking photos." At this point, there was an actual, audible knock. "I BELIEVE YOU!" screamed Nurse Steffi, not to me. "You don't need to show me! I am handling it!"

Later, a speech therapist became philosophical with me. "I'm no doctor," she said, "but in my own life I've noticed that poop just gets much harder when it's aimed at the toilet, when it's not spilling into a diaper. So you might want to research potty training. It's not stressful for your child; it just means that he runs around naked for a full weekend, and you and your spouse cannot ever turn your gaze from his butt...."

"Well, at least it's not stressful for the kid."

"Just don't imagine that private school would solve all your problems," said the therapist. "Because I had my daughter in private school for a few years....You think that principal didn't call me everyday, complaining about the diapers?"

I have so much to learn....
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