Liars and Saints

  In this house, we're very excited about "The Little Mermaid." I know how people of a certain age talk about Elvis; this is how I will refer to Howard Ashman, when I'm in retirement. I'm ready to hold a cane, and widen my eyes, and whisper, " There will never be another Howard Ashman.... " Just a reminder that Ashman wrote the work that is now widely regarded as the greatest screen-to-stage adaptation in the history of entertainment. I'm talking about "Little Shop of Horrors." (I also tend to think that "Little Shop" might simply be the closest-to-perfect musical comedy in the canon....My apologies to Stephen Sondheim.) Ashman wrote unforgettable characters, but he really excelled in the realm of villains: "Audrey II," the dentist, Gaston, D'Arque. Certainly his greatest achievement was Ursula, the Sea Witch, whom he modeled on Joan Collins and Divine. Disney's new effort will sink or swim as its Ursula sinks or...

  When Sandra Boynton brings her “A” game, all parts of the text are undeniable. An example: “The Belly Button Book.” The title already deserves a Pulitzer. A Boynton one-two punch means that the opening lines will *match* the greatness of the title: This tiny hippopotamus has something *small* to say. And if you listen now, he’ll say it right away. (BEE-BO!) You may not know what BEE-BO means, or maybe you’ve forgotten. It’s just the tiny hippo way of saying BELLY BUTTON. Harold Bloom speaks of the “anxiety of influence”: Virgil rewrites Homer, John Milton rewrites Virgil, and so on. I like to think that Sandra Boynton—with her hippos—is choosing to rewrite James Marshall. Famously, Marshall showed his hippos in bathing suits. And Sandra Boynton sends her own hippos to “Belly Button Beach.” We hippos love our belly b’s….. They’re round, and cute, and funny…. And there’s a place we take them to…. When summer days are sunny…..  Finally, Boynton “lands the plane” ...

 I'm watching TV that makes me feel very little; "UnPrisoned" is too much like a sitcom, and "Lucky Hank" doesn't have a plot. So it's a relief to reacquaint myself with "Succession." Like the writer Elizabeth McCracken, I am deeply suspicious of anything called "heartwarming." You couldn't pay me to watch "Ted Lasso," and the recent "Shrinking" interview on "Fresh Air" sort of left me cold. And so I think that the bleakness and raunchiness of "Succession" is exhilarating. Just to recap: *A father wants his estranged children ("the rats") to make a "happy birthday" call. So he has his preteen "assistant and friend" make a lobbying effort. The rats say, "He needs to place the call." The friend says: "I think a text could be arranged." One rat says, "No deal. Thanks for taking his cock out of your mouth so you could chat with us...." ...

 My child's teacher definitely disappeared. Nothing was communicated to families, beyond the words: "New Teacher Beginning ... Now!" It was tempting to ask for more information, but I'm slightly frightened by the principal. She tends to start her emails with three words: "Hello, Wonderful Family!" And these words send chills down my spine. I have one speech therapist for my kid--one therapist who has become a kind of guru in all areas of life. She urges me to "peel off from the children," now and then, and she also knows when to invoke the law, if the public school is being silly. She surprised me, when talking about teachers; she said, "The departure of Ms. L is just crummy. A teacher should finish the year with the class. But I don't think this is an existential crisis for your child. He has a  new friend.  There is someone new, and she can  play . That's the language I'd use." Full disclosure: Josh really doesn't seem t...

  Marc and I were divided on SVU this week; Marc thought the hour was preposterous, and I thought it was flawed but interesting. A story stands or falls because of its characters. I'd argue SVU gives us two memorable people in its new episode. The first is Zoe, whose life has been stalled because of her husband's sudden death. Zoe decides to cope by entering a BDSM arrangement with a stranger; she blindfolds herself with her dead husband's ties, wears a kind of chain attached to her neck, and gets to work on brainstorming a "safe word." So far, so good! An engaging approach to mourning! The more compelling half of the story is Jenna, who pushes Zoe to date. Jenna complains loudly about her own marriage ("you never hear our bedsprings, do you?"), and then secretly assumes the character of "Klaus," a seductive dom. She also obtains sperm, dips her finger in the jar, then tries to impregnate Zoe. She sees this as a gift! Zoe will carry a baby who ...

  Lily Tomlin made waves with "Nashville"; she earned an Oscar nomination. This was an insane year at the Oscars, with Altman competing against Spielberg ("Jaws") and Forman ('One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest") and Lumet ("Dog Day Afternoon") and Kubrick ("Barry Lyndon").  Tomlin lost, in her category, but it seems she wasn't permanently scarred. An interesting quirk in her career is that, almost every time she takes on a role, she panics and tries to back out. I think this suggests seriousness; Tomlin understands she cannot "phone it in." Recently, Tomlin called a friend, Paul Weitz, with whom she had worked on "Admission." Apparently, Tomlin said, "Paul, you need to write something for Jane Fonda and me." And Tomlin--being Tomlin--then *got* what she wanted. The result is the film "Moving On." I can't say this is a total success. It's the story of two friends--connected by an affil...

  For a year, I've waded through high-school geometry with my student, my theater kid, but neither of us feels fully invested "in the game." There is beauty in geometry; you don't have to try hard to feel moved by transversals and parallel lines, congruent triangles, dilations and reflections. I really like that there are certain rules about shapes--and the rules never change. Vertical angles will always be what they are. If you see a pair today, it's the same pair that existed 2000 years ago. But my theater kid prefers to talk about  Romeo and Juliet --and I think she knows that that's my wheelhouse. "What do you think Romeo really  wants  here?" I ask, and my pulse begins to race. "I think you're saying, kiddo, that Romeo has issues with Tybalt, but his real issues are  internal . He knows he is a mess, but he can't really force himself to change. He is  fortune's fool ." My student gives me an indulgent look and murmurs, ...