Liars and Saints

  Like JFK, like LBJ, Gary Hart had multiple affairs. The one that really plagued him was with a bookish actor/writer named Donna Rice. Hart and Rice spent some time on a boat--the "Monkey Business"--and Rice was photographed on top of Hart's groin. Hart then said he hadn't had any kind of dalliance with Rice; the two were just talking about possible job opportunities. During damage control, Rice asked Hart's people not to leak her name. She also disclosed an embarrassing moment from her past--a semi-nude photo--imagining that this was just a topic for her brief phone call. Hart's people immediately threw Rice under the bus, volunteering her name and the details about her past, hoping that this would put out the fire. For years thereafter, Hart made no effort to contact Rice. (He did eventually call her to apologize.) Given Rice's formidable brain power, a second act was inevitable. Rice became an important crusader against child pornography. Hart had a ro...

  Flag Day has come and gone. In Maplewood, it passed without comment. When I was growing up, there was an annual moment of silence around the school flag; there were also daily recitations of the Pledge of Allegiance. I'm not a great fan of patriotism; I do plan to watch "Reservation Dogs" this summer. It's striking to me that one of the final episodes of "Hacks" involves a high-visibility "land acknowledgment"; this practice has actually just *disappeared* from my local theater, the Paper Mill Playhouse. (My husband half-jokingly suggests that the removal of the land acknowledgment surely has something to do with a threat from Trump.) New York City seems ambivalent toward the anniversary of the American Revolution. At the Met, there is one small room with a tiny exhibit called "Revolution!" (The room generally seems to be empty.) The Frick has resurrected one of the Gilbert Stuart images of George Washington--but, with Goya and Rembrand...

 I like stories about transgression, because a transgression almost always involves a coverup. Once you break a rule, you generally have to lie about *not* having broken the rule. And things begin to spiral. In "Carolina Caroline," the title character discovers that she can rob people of twenty and fifty dollar bills. She just confuses them with excessive language. She has a person give her several dollars. Then, she will say, "Actually, I need a fifty dollar bill. Tell you what. I'll give you one dollar--and you give me a fifty--and we're even." The brain thinks this is a fair exchange. But the brain forgets that the ones in Caroline's hand are *store* bills. The clerk gives a fifty to Caroline--ON TOP of the ones that the clerk has handed over. Of course this leads to bank robbing. Caroline's lover, Oliver, sits outside with a police scanner--and honks the horn as soon as Caroline needs to come out. One moment of carelessness means that a cop makes...

 I'm approaching the end of "Hacks." One thing I really value is a well-considered title. "Hacks" stands out as a punchy, memorable label. (I can't read the non-fiction book "Checkmate," by Ben Mezrich, because the title seems so lazy. It seems to have originated in the "brain" of an AI machine.) Any writer will tell you that the work does not get easier. A blank page is always a source of terror. It doesn't matter how much experience you have. So--in the last stages of her life--Deborah is still a hack. This is both dispiriting *and* inspiring. (Also, it's plausible that Deborah, in her victimhood, would crazily imagine that the right path forward is a long set about Joan of Arc. This makes me think of Billy Eichner, foolishly believing that people will buy tickets because of a comedy's "important" and "historic" premise.) In another corner of the world, Ava is considering a reboot of "Who's Makin...

  Sondheim respected Meredith Willson, particularly his work on "Rock Island," the opening from "The Music Man." (Famously, "The Music Man" won the Tony over "West Side Story." And "The Music Man" was the correct choice.) Sondheim did fight with Willson in the pages of the Herald Tribune. Willson had complained about "declining taste" and dirty words on Broadway. Sondheim said (accurately), "People are staying home not because of dirty words. People are staying home because  The Unsinkable Molly Brown  is boring." (Score one for Sondheim.) My favorite scene from "The Music Man" is "Piano Lesson." Marian is arguing with her mother; both women are wrong. Marian is complaining that the women of River City do not read Balzac; her complaint is insufferable. Mrs. Paroo suggests that Marian is powerless *because* she has not found a husband; Mrs. Paroo is tiresome and small-minded. This argument occurs w...

 We have a particularly strong teachers' union, so there are four consecutive half-days this week. A half-day counts as a full day for workers--according to a published rule book--so there is no rule violation with the parade of useless faux-instructional mini-days. Recently, a beleaguered parent asked me, "Why? Why is it like this?" And I had to bite my tongue. There is an answer: it's the teachers' union. But the parent was not looking for an answer. Her question was more like an existential statement, a lament. On these days, I take my kids to the zoo. The announcement is annoying to my son, who launches a protest: "No! I don't want that! I will poop in myself!" (The choice of preposition is intriguing to me.) I'm pleased to realize that--if there's one place on Earth you might want to shit your pants--it's just fine to have an accident at the zoo. People will simply imagine that they are smelling a penguin. The temperature is high, an...

  David Sedaris is not my number-one writer, but I respect his work. I also feel like I'm meeting myself on the page: -Sedaris and I are both obsessed with the mid-century American novelist Richard Yates. -Sedaris thinks that today's children are crippled by parental narcissism and hand-wringing. ("Today, a child 'graduates' fifteen times before twelfth grade....") Just this weekend, I was complaining to my spouse about my child's absurd pre-K "graduation"; my spouse did not empathize. -When Bergoglio summoned several comics to the Vatican, Sedaris tried to imagine the reason for the invitation. His thoughts traveled the particular route that I'm sure my own thoughts would take. ("Could you lay off the jokes about pedophilia? Please. Pretty please. Remember a simpler time, when all the jokes were just about horny nuns....?" Sedaris also includes a memorable joke. A cop approaches a group of Jesuits and says, "Can you help me ou...