Skip to main content

Boy Erased

What a shock it was to attend a panel this weekend on conversion camps.

These are places where confused people send their gay children to be molded into "non-gays." Obviously, the camps do not attain their (twisted) goal, and obviously, they do a great deal of psychological harm in the process of not-attaining-the-twisted-goal. What is surprising (to me, at least):

*These camps still exist all over the U.S. Very few states have banned them.

*Joanna Gaines, host of "Fixer Upper," and subject of many empty "People Magazine" pieces, attends a church officially in favor of conversion camps. A while ago, her husband wrote a cowardly piece asking us all just to agree to disagree--and so one wonders if he is also secretly a fan of the Vichy regime.

*Those scenes in the Lucas Hedges and Chloe Grace Moretz movies where the campers gather and, following instructions, scream anti-gay insults at the most vulnerable kid ... are taken from actual life.

*In at least one camp, campers were required to invite a heterosexual associate, perhaps a brother, to a male bonding ritual. The campers would all disrobe and discuss body issues while swimming together. It's unclear who decided that this was a thing that hetero "bros" would normally do, and it's unclear who felt that the nude swimming discussions would result in a mass movement away from homosexuality.

*One survivor of this kind of camp is now founding a psychology practice--focusing on gay kids and their families--and using the Latin word "Arcus," which means "Rainbow." Bear in mind this guy already endured a great deal of misery in his former life. And now he's taking on this work. One imagines he could take a permanent vacation, and perhaps move to Malibu, but instead he is opting to wade back into the trenches.

*Of course if you're preying on confused kids, you can often capitalize on the fact that the kid himself *believes he does not want to be gay* ....So a theme among the survivors I heard from was that they would sometimes go out of their way to try to support and assist their oppressors. They would return to the camps and give inspirational talks. They would furtively indulge in same-sex hookups, then try to persuade young audiences that same-sex hook-ups were wrong.

And that was my weekend. Will horrors never cease! Please steer clear of Chip and Joanna Gaines.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Host a Baby

-You have assumed responsibility for a mewling, puking ball of life, a yellow-lab pup. He will spit his half-digested kibble all over your shoes, all over your hard-cover edition of Jennifer Haigh's novel  Faith . He will eat your tables, your chairs, your "I {Heart] Montessori" magnet, placed too low on the fridge. When you try to watch Bette Davis in  Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte , on your TV, your dog will bark through the murder-prologue, for no apparent reason. He will whimper through Lena Dunham's  Girls , such that you have to rewind several times to catch every nuance of Andrew Rannells's ad-libbing--and, still, you'll have a nagging suspicion you've missed something. Your dog will poop on the kitchen floor, in the hallway, between the tiny bars of his crate. He'll announce his wakefulness at 5 AM, 2 AM, or while you and another human are mid-coitus. All this, and you get outside, and it's: "Don't let him pee on my tulips!" When...

Joshie

  When I was growing up, a class birthday involved Hostess cupcakes. Often, the cupcakes would come in a shoebox, so you could taste a leathery residue (during the party). Times change. You can't bring a treat into a public school, in 2024, because heaven knows what kind of allergies might lurk, in unseen corners, in the classroom. But Joshua's teacher will allow: a dance party, a pajama day, or a guest reader. I chose to bring a story for Joshua's birthday (observed), but I didn't think through the role that anxiety might play in this interaction. We talk, in this house, quite a bit about anxiety; one game-changer, for J, has been a daily list of activities, so that he knows exactly what to expect. He gets a look of profound satisfaction when he sees the agenda; it doesn't really matter what the specific events happen to be. It's just about knowing, "I can anticipate X, Y, and Z." Joshua struggled with his celebration. He wore his nervousness on his f...

Josh at Five

 Joshie's project is "flexibility"; the goal is to see that a plan is just an idea, not a gospel, not a guarantee. This is difficult. Yesterday, we went to a restaurant--billed as "open," with unlocked doors--and the owner informed us of an "error in advertising." But Joshie couldn't accept the word "closed." He threw himself on the floor, then climbed on the furniture. I felt for the owner, until he nervously made a reference to "the glass windows." He imagined that my child might toss himself through a sealed window, like Mary Katherine Gallagher, or like Bruce Willis, in "Die Hard." Then--thank the Lord!--I was able to laugh. The thing that really has therapeutic value for Joshie is: a firetruck. If we are out in public, and he spots a parked truck, he wants to climb on each surface. He breathlessly alludes to the wheels, the door, the windows. If an actual fire station ("fire ocean," in Joshie's parla...