Skip to main content

Making a Baby, Cont'd.

"You must sign up for daycare at this address," says one friend, with urgency. "If you do not sign up now," he hints, darkly, "bad things may happen...."

This is a friend for whom high-stakes drama is a constant. His own children are at the local middle school, and his descriptions of this well-regarded school resemble something from HBO's "Oz." "The bathrooms are so horrid," he says, "that the children actually hold in their waste all day long." He allows us to infer what might be found in the bathrooms: corpses, bloody syringes. Then: "Imagine trying to learn with so much discomfort! Every day!"

You can't ask this friend about the possibility of hiring a nanny. "I just think it's good to have peer monitoring among the care providers, and you can't get that if there's just one nanny...." His ellipsis speaks volumes; I can't help but recall the novel "The Perfect Nanny," based on an actual case, in which an aggrieved sitter snapper and slaughtered her little child-clients.

My husband is maybe more vulnerable to this kind of discussion than I am. My husband would like to get everything exactly right. He reads about how much better breast milk is than formula, and I see a haunted look in his eyes. Maybe, he says, we could purchase frozen breast milk from generous mothers? Even if it would cost--perhaps--ninety dollars per day? His anxiety is short-lived; he becomes distracted by a piece about mothers who drink *their own* breast milk. But I know the question of our future-infant's diet will return soon, and return with a vengeance.

I'm studying the difference between four weeks and four months. At four months, apparently, your baby will recognize your face and give you a big smile. Also, he will (sometimes?) allow you to finish speaking before making small babbling noises.

My husband hears this and enjoys it. But then his attention floats to the staircase, and visions of domestic horror dance in his head. All those stairs, up and down, every morning. With a tiny, wriggling, additional life. Should there be carpeting? Should we simply relocate--permanently--to the first floor?

There aren't answers. Eventually, there's a shrug, and the conversation shifts toward the grocery list. And time marches on.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Host a Baby

-You have assumed responsibility for a mewling, puking ball of life, a yellow-lab pup. He will spit his half-digested kibble all over your shoes, all over your hard-cover edition of Jennifer Haigh's novel  Faith . He will eat your tables, your chairs, your "I {Heart] Montessori" magnet, placed too low on the fridge. When you try to watch Bette Davis in  Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte , on your TV, your dog will bark through the murder-prologue, for no apparent reason. He will whimper through Lena Dunham's  Girls , such that you have to rewind several times to catch every nuance of Andrew Rannells's ad-libbing--and, still, you'll have a nagging suspicion you've missed something. Your dog will poop on the kitchen floor, in the hallway, between the tiny bars of his crate. He'll announce his wakefulness at 5 AM, 2 AM, or while you and another human are mid-coitus. All this, and you get outside, and it's: "Don't let him pee on my tulips!" When...

My Favorite Pop Song

  One thing I admire about Prince is his weirdly pretentious verses: Dream, if you can, a courtyard-- An ocean of violets in bloom. Also: Touch, if you will, my stomach. Feel how it trembles inside. No one else writes like this. Did people try to shoot down these choices? Did a producer say, "We'd like to rethink this one... Touch, if you will, my stomach...."  I can't help but wonder. But it's the chorus that makes this a classic. It's direct and universal--and it ends with that bizarre flourish, the allusion to "the crying doves." (Prince's song was number one in America for quite a while; it defeated Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark.") How can you just leave me standing-- Alone in a world that's so cold? Maybe I'm just too demanding. Maybe I'm just like my father--too bold. Maybe you're just like my mother; She's never satisfied. Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like when doves cr...

Raymond Carver: "What's in Alaska?"

Outside, Mary held Jack's arm and walked with her head down. They moved slowly on the sidewalk. He listened to the scuffing sounds her shoes made. He heard the sharp and separate sound of a dog barking and above that a murmuring of very distant traffic.  She raised her head. "When we get home, Jack, I want to be fucked, talked to, diverted. Divert me, Jack. I need to be diverted tonight." She tightened her hold on his arm. He could feel the dampness in that shoe. He unlocked the door and flipped the light. "Come to bed," she said. "I'm coming," he said. He went to the kitchen and drank two glasses of water. He turned off the living-room light and felt his way along the wall into the bedroom. "Jack!" she yelled. "Jack!" "Jesus Christ, it's me!" he said. "I'm trying to get the light on." He found the lamp, and she sat up in bed. Her eyes were bright. He pulled the stem on the alarm and b...