Talking to a Teenager

I reach for subjects of possible interest:

*Sugarfina. This is a new store that sells absurdly overpriced haute candy. Like, a trillion dollars for a small packet of gummy bears. Who doesn't want to talk about candy? The teen next to me rolls his eyes. "That store is ridiculous, and I would never go there." I consider the money I myself have just dropped on a Sugarfina purchase. I change the subject.

*Katy Perry's new single. My teen says: "I have not listened to Katy Perry in like twelve years." So, on to Cardi B: "She's over. There are stories that she drugged and assaulted people."

*Legalizing marijuana in NY. My teen: "It's uncool because the illegal drug market helps many dealers stay afloat. If we legalize marijuana, those dealers will go under, and we need to protect them."

*Ted Bundy. Here's a subject where my teenager and I have common ground. "He was handsome, so he got away with stuff," says my friend. "He was caught and he actually escaped. I think he escaped more than once." And: "Sometimes, when he would talk about himself, he would use the third person."

At last, my friend and I have reached an unspoken truce. I have so many questions. No longer on contentious, tricky terrain, I feel I could go on forever. I make a mental note: One day, this will be a standard dinner-table routine with my *own* kid....

Comments

How to Host a Baby

-You have assumed responsibility for a mewling, puking ball of life, a yellow-lab pup. He will spit his half-digested kibble all over your shoes, all over your hard-cover edition of Jennifer Haigh's novel Faith . He will eat your tables, your chairs, your "I {Heart] Montessori" magnet, placed too low on the fridge. When you try to watch Bette Davis in Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte , on your TV, your dog will bark through the murder-prologue, for no apparent reason. He will whimper through Lena Dunham's Girls , such that you have to rewind several times to catch every nuance of Andrew Rannells's ad-libbing--and, still, you'll have a nagging suspicion you've missed something. Your dog will poop on the kitchen floor, in the hallway, between the tiny bars of his crate. He'll announce his wakefulness at 5 AM, 2 AM, or while you and another human are mid-coitus. All this, and you get outside, and it's: "Don't let him pee on my tulips!" When...

The Death of Bergoglio

It's frustrating for me to hear Bergoglio described as "the less awful pope"--because awful is still awful. I think I get fixated on ideas of purity, which can be juvenile, but putting that aside, here are some things that Bergoglio could have done and did not. (I'm quoting from a survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of the Church.) He could levy the harshest penalty, excommunication, against a dozen or more of the most egregious abuse enabling church officials. (He's done this to no enablers, or predators for that matter.) He could insist that every diocese and religious order turn over every record they have about suspected and known abusers to law enforcement. Francis could order every prelate on the planet to post on his diocesan website the names of every proven, admitted and credibly accused child molesting cleric. (Imagine how much safer children would be if police, prosecutors, parents and the public knew the identities of these potentially dangerous me...

Raymond Carver: "What's in Alaska?"

Outside, Mary held Jack's arm and walked with her head down. They moved slowly on the sidewalk. He listened to the scuffing sounds her shoes made. He heard the sharp and separate sound of a dog barking and above that a murmuring of very distant traffic. She raised her head. "When we get home, Jack, I want to be fucked, talked to, diverted. Divert me, Jack. I need to be diverted tonight." She tightened her hold on his arm. He could feel the dampness in that shoe. He unlocked the door and flipped the light. "Come to bed," she said. "I'm coming," he said. He went to the kitchen and drank two glasses of water. He turned off the living-room light and felt his way along the wall into the bedroom. "Jack!" she yelled. "Jack!" "Jesus Christ, it's me!" he said. "I'm trying to get the light on." He found the lamp, and she sat up in bed. Her eyes were bright. He pulled the stem on the alarm and b...

Liars and Saints

Search This Blog