"Some Things I Could Do with the NYPD's 6 Billion Dollar Budget"

The great cartoonist, Jason A. Katzenstein, has a comic memoir coming out, "Everything Is an Emergency." (It's about JAK's OCD.)

While awaiting that, you might enjoy Katzenstein's piece in "Current Affairs," entitled: "Some Things I Could Do with the NYPD's 6 Billion Dollar Budget." (This guy is very liberal, so understand that's a part of this. The piece imagines that the NYPD has been de-funded and dismissed.)

https://www.currentaffairs.org/2020/06/some-things-i-could-do-with-the-nypds-6-billion-annual-budget

JAK alternates between the absurd and the real. For example, you could use the NYPD's budget to put up large Times Square billboards about your personal fondness for the comedian Richard Kind. ("My KIND of Guy....") Or, simply, you could use the money to fix the subway.

You could pay each FRIENDS co-star 1 million dollars for a special reunion episode, in which "Joey has Covid." ("The real question, Joe, is HOW YOU DOIN'?")

Or--simply--you could use the money to feed yourself while also "not killing anybody."

This is biting and energetic, and the dramatic shifts from silly to serious are pretty thrilling. I'm also fond of the picture of the smiling subway.

Enjoy.

P.S. I don't think JAK is saying Covid is funny. I *do* think he is saying, "What is wrong with the world that there is so much suffering, and yet certain people receive literally 1 million dollars for filming thirty minutes of a shallow sitcom"--? Just a guess.

Comments

How to Host a Baby

-You have assumed responsibility for a mewling, puking ball of life, a yellow-lab pup. He will spit his half-digested kibble all over your shoes, all over your hard-cover edition of Jennifer Haigh's novel Faith . He will eat your tables, your chairs, your "I {Heart] Montessori" magnet, placed too low on the fridge. When you try to watch Bette Davis in Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte , on your TV, your dog will bark through the murder-prologue, for no apparent reason. He will whimper through Lena Dunham's Girls , such that you have to rewind several times to catch every nuance of Andrew Rannells's ad-libbing--and, still, you'll have a nagging suspicion you've missed something. Your dog will poop on the kitchen floor, in the hallway, between the tiny bars of his crate. He'll announce his wakefulness at 5 AM, 2 AM, or while you and another human are mid-coitus. All this, and you get outside, and it's: "Don't let him pee on my tulips!" When...

Joshie

When I was growing up, a class birthday involved Hostess cupcakes. Often, the cupcakes would come in a shoebox, so you could taste a leathery residue (during the party). Times change. You can't bring a treat into a public school, in 2024, because heaven knows what kind of allergies might lurk, in unseen corners, in the classroom. But Joshua's teacher will allow: a dance party, a pajama day, or a guest reader. I chose to bring a story for Joshua's birthday (observed), but I didn't think through the role that anxiety might play in this interaction. We talk, in this house, quite a bit about anxiety; one game-changer, for J, has been a daily list of activities, so that he knows exactly what to expect. He gets a look of profound satisfaction when he sees the agenda; it doesn't really matter what the specific events happen to be. It's just about knowing, "I can anticipate X, Y, and Z." Joshua struggled with his celebration. He wore his nervousness on his f...

Josh at Five

Joshie's project is "flexibility"; the goal is to see that a plan is just an idea, not a gospel, not a guarantee. This is difficult. Yesterday, we went to a restaurant--billed as "open," with unlocked doors--and the owner informed us of an "error in advertising." But Joshie couldn't accept the word "closed." He threw himself on the floor, then climbed on the furniture. I felt for the owner, until he nervously made a reference to "the glass windows." He imagined that my child might toss himself through a sealed window, like Mary Katherine Gallagher, or like Bruce Willis, in "Die Hard." Then--thank the Lord!--I was able to laugh. The thing that really has therapeutic value for Joshie is: a firetruck. If we are out in public, and he spots a parked truck, he wants to climb on each surface. He breathlessly alludes to the wheels, the door, the windows. If an actual fire station ("fire ocean," in Joshie's parla...

Liars and Saints

Search This Blog