Maplewood, New Jersey

Maplewood is abuzz with drama.

I feel for our little town; it seems we'll never have Manhattan-sized issues. Madonna will never use her cell phone during a Maplewood performance of "Hamilton." Our town mayor will never have high-profile fights with Andrew Cuomo about our public schools.

This is why any moment of civic tension feels like a holiday; you can almost sense the suburbanites drooling with delight.

Right now, we have three big issues:

*Some (white) people have announced that the free public concerts, on Friday nights, are "too loud." This has led to a Twitter storm; other people are calling the band of whiners "a bunch of entitled Karens." The discussion has been constructive and edifying for everyone.

*The public pool released something into the pool-water, and then people said they were going to the ICU, dealing with blue lips, struggling to hold on to life. The pool claimed the release was "just sediment." All of this has echoes of Roswell, New Mexico--and the UFOs.

*Perhaps the biggest scandal in Maplewood right now is the motorized leaf blowers. A bold local candidate is running for office on an anti-blower platform. Those blowers are too noisy! You can sign a petition.....

That's my life, for now.

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