Moms* at Christmas

Gift-giving is such a tricky endeavor, and so likely to result in awkward comic misunderstandings. George the hippo gives a large cuckoo clock to Martha, and she must pretend that she likes it. Martha cooks special pea soup for George, and George must stash it in his loafers, because an honest conversation seems so difficult.

Gifts are a great source of interest among the Maplewood Moms, because the moms* have cash and some time on their hands, and because an especially tacky gift can be such a useful vehicle for drama. The mother who gives her maternity-ward daughter a thigh-master for Christmas. The husband who hands his wife an unwrapped Hanukkah cheese-grater....

Recently, the moms* listed the worst gifts their kids had ever received, and these are the three stories I liked most:

*Mom gave a small, delicate Rodin knock-off sculpture to my toddler. Later, she asked if this had been a nice addition to playtime. I said: "Are you referring to the fragile, priceless statue that you handed to my infant?"

*My sister-in-law didn't like the name we chose for our son. So she bought him several monogrammed items--featuring the name she *wished* we had picked--and that, there, was the Christmas present.

*I asked my in-laws to avoid sweets, as gifts. My kid has had some stressful run-ins with the dentist. My in-laws nodded in agreement, then they smuggled sweets to my child's nanny, and pressured the nanny to slip chocolates to my kid (in secret) whenever I was away from the house.

Have a happy Christmas.

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