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My Suburban Life

 There's a national baby-formula shortage. NPR tells me I should not water down my extant formula, should not devise a formula of my own (perhaps with witch hazel! or dandelions!) .....NPR says I should not jump from brand to brand (or not without careful research).


I call the front desk at my child's pediatrics office. All this is above the secretary's pay grade. The secretary and I dance, awkwardly, on the phone.

"Well, I'm not sure what you want the doctor to do," says the secretary. "She is not, like, in charge of national formula-making plants."

I say, "Thank you. Thanks very much." And the call ends.

Later, my husband says, "It's like everything is falling apart. Like, the entire world!"

And this is true. The country is maybe on the verge of a civil war, over abortion rights? And there are grim murmurings about marriage equality. Also, giant spiders are expected to drop from the sky. All along the East Coast. They will be bright yellow, and they will use their webs as "tiny, terrifying parachutes to travel with the wind."

Happy weekend!
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