In "Mean Girls," there is one character worth playing, and it's Regina George. I can't help but wonder, if Lindsay Lohan had insisted on playing Regina, might her career have unfolded in a different way?
My favorite moment in the original film is when Regina observes that Cady looks pretty in a certain shirt. Cady shrugs and offers thanks. This is a major sin: The correct response would have been a needy, whiny kind of protest. ("Omigod, I look SO AWFUL!") Regina seizes the moment: "You agree with me? You personally think that you look pretty?" (Calculations are occurring in Rachel McAdams's brain.)
A new anthem, co-written by Renee Rapp, imagines what Regina might say to a protege. Regina puts herself in the shoes of her audience, reciting her frenemies' questions:
Where she at?
What's she doing?
Who's she with and where's she from?
Oh, she's this.
Oh, she's that.
She's a flight risk on the run.
She's back...
She's back....
Yeah, I'm back, bitch, are you done?
Excuse me while I bite my tongue.
These lines are so smart, and so carefully crafted. The peons whisper about Regina. Finally, Regina interrupts the chorus to ask: "Are you done?" She does not have time for hand-wringing. She goes on to advise her classmates on leading a more interesting life: "Get her number...Get her name....Get a good thing while you can...."
This was not something I expected in the middle of my week, and I can't stop watching. It doesn't make me want to see the new movie, but it does take me back to the early aughts: the Santa song, the pink dress code, the burn book. I might learn the dance.
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